A Nigerian Scammer Joins "My Church" pt 8

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

Please i write to know if you have transferred the funds into my account.If so, kindly send me the Receipt of the Payment Slip via e-mail attachment.
Thank you and God bless us all.I look forward to receiving the Receipt of the Payment Slip from you
Warmest Regards,

Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

At the same time she emails Tits Mchgee to find out if he will help her out.

Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)
Sir,

How are you and the church? Sir, i write to let you know that i have completed and done everything i was asked to do.They saidthey would released the funds to me under 24 to 48 hrs but i have notheard anything from them since last week friday. Could you pleasehelp me find out if they have transfereed the funds into the account imandated them to use. I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thankyou and God bless us all. Warmest Regards

Dr. Mrs Luisa PimentelEstrada.

So Tits Mcghee has to answer and allay her fears right? OH and add some more bait to the game just to keep her going.

From: H.P.E. Tits Mcghee
To: Dr.Mrs. Louis Pimentel Esstrada

Sister Estrada,

I have spoken to the head auditor, and he informed me that he sent you an email informing you of how to proceed with your case. I pray to the great phallus that all will work out for you and that you will be able to build the Church of the Assimilated Virgin to great heights in the Phillipines.


Once you have received the funds, please let me know so that I may make arrangements for the shipment of cellular phones, computers and various electronic devices to assist you in building the church in your area. I would also like to know so that we can arrange for the travel of missionaries to your area as well.

May the Great Phallus protect you and keep you wet.

Tits Mcghee
High Phallic Elder

Now Apu has to respond just to keep her going, and of course to throw a monkey wrench into her plans as well..Read on intrepid fans and you will see what I mean

Mrs. Estrada,
Ref: 06098419004194

We have received your request of expedition. Your claim is being processed as quickly as possible. Your funds will be delivered to the address you provided by bonded courier, if the funds cannot be delivered to #124 Tomas Morato Ave., Quezon City, Metro Manila, Philippines. You will need to specify another address to which they will be delivered. Unfortunately, we are bound by policy and are unable to wire transfer the funds as we are required by policy and law to physically deliver the funds to you or an agent that you specify.
If you wish to specify another agent to collect the funds, you will need to have them provide their identification and an address where the funds can be delivered to them. Your only other option would be to have the funds delivered to the US Embassy in the Philippines where you would be able to collect them directly from the Embassy.
Please forward the information as to how you would like to proceed.

Thank you,

Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)

Now I am SURE this will give her fits! I wonder if she will just call the jig up or what she will do?

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

Thanks for your mail and i demanded that you should send the funds into the account number i have given to you.Please the only option i have apart from wire transfer is to transfer the funds to my agents in europe via westerner union money transfer apart from this no any other options would be acceptable by me ok.

Please try to contact Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder) he will tell you much why i have refused anyother options apart from the options i have given.

Finally, Please kindly transfer the funds into the account i have given you. I look forward to receiving the Receipt of the Payment Slip from you
Warmest Regards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Oh oh oh, NOW she is demanding something from the Police? How brave considering that she holds no weight with the department

Mrs. Estrada,
Ref: 06098419004194

Your last communication strikes me as not completely honest. Generally when we process claims such as yours, the individuals are more than happy to have the funds delivered to themselves or a designated agent.


In order to process your claim further, you will have to comply to our procedure. Police Department policy is that we only disburse funds in the manner previously given to you. We cannot issue the funds to you via wire transfer as that does not comply with department policy and procedures.


If you wish to claim the funds that you stated are due you, you will immediately inform myself and the department which option would best suit you. Speaking to HPE Tits Mcghee will do nothing as I cannot deviate from department policy. Inform me of where you would like the funds delivered and they will be immediately disbursed to you.


Thank you,


Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)

Better and better, hmmmm I can't wait to see if she decides to give me what I want...

Mr Attn:TitsMcghee(High PhallicElder)
Sir,

Thanks for your mail and i wishto notify you that you should please help me tell them that they shouldwire the funds in the account number i gave them.It will be easier forme to collect the funds.You know what my family and i are facing and iwouldn't any body in my country to know that i have some business doingiut side.Below is the mail the sent to them and my reply tothem.

She then attached a copy of the email that Apu sent to her and then she again begged for help from Tits. There wont' be any or a response for that matter but she can certainly beg eh?

Please help me talk to this people i have doneeverything they asked me to do and this time arounf they have to adhearto my directives.Let them know that they are making things too hard forme.

Jeezus the whining is getting out of hand now aint it?? It took her about 3 days, but she finally got back to me with the information I knew she would. And what do you know? Her new friend that will be picking up the funds in now in Germany!

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

I am very sorry that i have not be able to reach you since all these while.I have been on the sick bed for some days now SUUURE YOU ARE!.Please kindly forgive me if i have done something wrong.The only thing you did wrong was try to steal from me!.
Please find below is the name and the address of my agent in germany who will receive the funds on my behalf.
NAME : ANDREA BECK
ADDRESS: GITSCHINER STR, 28 47053 DUISBURG GERMANY

Please kindly deliver that which belongs to me Oh, honey you will get what's coming to you I PROMISE! via the above given name and address and send the air waybill /tracking number once you effect the dispatch to me.

Have a very nice weekend.
I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

Now Apu has to respond with some more fun and "hoops" for the idiot to jump through. Oh, it's been over a month now and she STILL hasn't been paid!! Gooooo ME!

A Nigerian Scammer Joins "My Church" pt 7

Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High Phallic Elder)
Sir,

Thanksfor your kind help since all these while and i pray that God Almightwill bring a helper to you in the days of problems. you mean like you for example??

Please help meask him if there is anything i need to do again because i have not heardfrom him since i sent the attachment to him.
I look forward to yoururgent reply. Thank you and God bless us all. Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs Luisa PimentelEstrada.

And now back to the story with the good Dr. and Chief Wiggum

Attn:Chief Charlie Wiggum
Sir
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.
Below are the information

Name:Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada.
Address: #124 Tomas Morato Ave., Quezon City, Metro Manila, Philippines
My phone number-Not available
Date of Birth -02-07-1932.
Dear Mr. Wiggum.
Sir,
C.R.A.B.Refference Number:Ref:06098419004194.

This letter is to certify that i am the above named person and i am entitled to a donation payment, authorised by H.P.E. Tits Mcghee of the Church of the Assimilated Virgin.The total payment i am entitled to is US$10,000 Plus Us$48,400 for the payment of some piece of land where we can start the church of the Assimilated Virgin in my area.
Please find below the attached copy of my official Identification which i confirm is a true representation of me.
I confirm that during the course of my communication with all members of the Church of the Assimilated Virgin that all information i have given has been truthful and factually correct and that if any false information has been given in any form, i shall immediately lose all entitlement to donation payment due to me.
Warmest Regards

Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada
Date:27-02-2006.
Nb: My son Jude made a mistake on my Date of Birth, which i have corrected.

Sir, i want to know if i can print it out to enable me sign my signature or is there anything i need to do.Please just let me know.

So the chief gets back to her..

Mrs. Estrada,
Ref: 06098419004194

Yes you need to print out the letter, fill it out and sign it, scan it and email the letter back to me.

Thank you,

Chief Charlie Wiggum
SPD Criminal Compensation Department

Can she REALLY be that stupid??

Attn:Chief Charlie Wiggum
Sir
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

Thanks for your kindly help and i pray that God Almight will surely send a helper to you in the day of problem.

Sir, find attached is the scam OOOH Sister, you have NO idea!! copy of your demands and i pray that i have passed the examination this time around and if not, please kindly let me know where i have failed so that i can quick correct it.
I look forward to hearing from you soonest.

Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards,

Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada.

And she did send me a copy of the paperwork, unfortunately I didn't attach it as it has been lost to an old hard drive..

Mrs. Estrada,
Ref: 06098419004194


I have recieved your mail. Your information and claim are now being processed by our auditing department. This is standard procedure in all cases of criminal compensation.


The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan will be handling your case. He is a very competent Auditor and should be able to have your compensation ready for you in a very short amount of time. His job is simply to make sure that all is in order before the criminal compensation is sent to you.


Thank you,


Chief Charlie Wiggum
SPD Criminal Compensation Department

So the chief told her that she would be getting her funds right?

Attn: Chief Charlie Wiggum
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194

Thanks for your mail.As you have given me help in this matter,May the Almight God send a helper to you that will help you in the days of problems.

Infact, i really thank God for your life and all the efforts you have so far made to help. You will not see shame in your life, The arrows of the evil one will never know you and your family,God will forever protect your going out and your coming in.Untimely death will never be your portion.You will never burial your children but your children will be the one to burial you at your old age in Jesus Name Amen.Once again thank you very much for all efforts you have made so far.

Finally, i shall be contacting him soonest.But please, you could tell me what i will write to him please so that i will not make any mistake.

Thank you and God bless us all.I look forward to hearing from you

Warmest Regards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

I don't respond. Why should the Chief have to talk to her anymore?

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194

Please i will like you to up date me when funds will be release to me so that i can give you my payment advise
Thank you and God bless us all.I look forward to hearing from you

Warmest Regards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Jumping the gun a bit aren't we? You haven't even jumped through all the hoops yet honey

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194

Please i will like you to up date me when funds will be release to me so that i can give you my payment advise
Thank you and God bless us all.I look forward to hearing from you
Warmest Regards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Ohh, now she's really getting impatient. Well, I guess it's time for Apu to make his appearance

Mrs. Estrada,
Ref: 06098419004194

We are processing your claim as quickly as possible. We do have policies and procedures in place to handle these sorts of things. As far as sending payment advice, that is not necessary as we always use either a bonded courier to deliver the funds directly to you or a designated individual, or you come to our offices and pick up the money in person. That would be why your address was necessary, we need someplace to have the funds delivered to.


If you would like to expedite the processing of your claim and get your funds released faster, you can submit the following request to our department, and it can be taken into consideration. I have attached a copy of the letter below. If you wish to do this you would need to print, and fill out the form and then send it back to me. Once this is done, generally we can release the funds to you within 24 to 48 hours.


_____________________________________________________________________
To: Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)
Agent Nahasapimapetilan,

Sir, my name is____________________________. I am writing you to request a hardship expediting of my Criminal Compensation. I am in dire need of the funds which have been wrongfully kept from my honest and decent person. I am suffering from Tribble Infections/Opressive Government/Cornholeitis/ Phallic Envy. I request that the sum of $________________. Be released to me A.S.A.P. or, as soon as the Springfield Police Department (Criminal Compensation Division) feel the need to compensate me for my Criminal Action.
I ___________________________, Do swear that I have been 100% honest in all my dealings with the SPDCCD, and that I will use the funds which are righfully mine for the purpose of which they were initially intended.


I, __________________________, Understand that I am solely responsible for all costs incurred by SPDCCD in the delivery and transfer of said Compensation to me, and that I will recompense the department for all expenses incurred.


Once, the Compensation has been disbursed to me, I understand that I will no longer place myself in a baiting situation, and if I do get myself baited again, I will make sure that I perform in much the same manner as I have this time. My honesty and integrity intact, I swear on all that is my cornhole that I will do my best to be the proudly compensated moron that I am able to be.

This letter is my statement of formal intention to have my case expedited, so that I can receive what is coming to me as quickly as possible. I am sure that I deserve everything that I will receive from this transaction. My compensation will be just as well as swift. Again, I am more than deserving of everything I am going to receive in this transaction.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

SIGN YOUR NAME
WRITE DATE HERE
____________________________________________________________________

Once I receive this letter from you, I would be able to expedite your case and get you everything you have coming to you.

Thank you,

Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)

hehehe, just another BS letter for her to sign and email back to me...
Like clockwork,she sends my back the letter dutifully signed and ready to go..
and of course she sends me another note with it.

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

Find attched is the returning form.

Please i will like my funds to be transferred into this account information below via Swift Transfer or by Telegraphic Transfer.

Bank of China New York.
Aba no:026003269.
Swift:BKCHUS33.
Cr.to.Swift code:BKCHCNBJ92D.
A/C No:875118267308091001.
A/c Name:ZHEJIANG JIANPEI TEXTILES CO.LTD.

Please let the funds be transferred into the above given account information and forward the receipt of the Payment Slip to me via e-mail attachment.

Looking forward to receiving the copy of the Payment Slip soonest.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Now we ALL KNOW I won't be sending the money to THAT account

A Nigerian Scammer Joins "My Church" pt 6

Mrs. Estrada,
Ref: 06098419004194

I have received your email, but you have not met the requirements as of yet. I specifically instructed you to sign and date the letter, not type in your name and date. Also, we will need a physical address not just your city and country. Without this information, I would not be able to process your claim.

I have spoken with H.P.E Tits Mcghee, and informed him that we are able to be a bit more lenient on information such as a phone number or passport given your situation, but we cannot allow ourselves to get all the way away from the proper procedure. I have included the letter for you to return to me once again, please get it right this time.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your name
Your address (Full address)
Your telephone number (not required)
Date of birth
Today's date.

SPD: Chief Charlie Wiggum- Springfield Police Criminal Compensation Department

Dear Mr. Wiggum,
C.R.A.B. Reference Number: Ref: 06098419004194

This letter is to certify that I am the above named person and I am entitled to a donation payment, authorised by H.P.E. Tits Mcghee of The Church of the Assimilated Virgin. The total payment I am entitled to is US $58,400.


Please find attached a copy of my official identification which I confirm is a true representation of me.


I confirm that during the course of my communication with all members of The Church of the Assimilated Virgin that all information I have given has been truthful and factually correct and that if any false information has been given in any form I shall immediately lose all entitlement to the donation payment due to me.


Sincerely,
SIGN YOU NAME (Physically sign letter)
Date: WRITE THE DATE (Physically write date)


_____________________________________________________

I am sure this will clarify the situation for you. I also must inform you that we will be closing your case permanently on 7 March 2006. If you have not completed all the required paperwork and information, your case will be closed and you will not be able to get the funds which you have claimed as yours.

Thank you,

Chief Charlie Wiggum
SPD Criminal Compensation Department

Hehe, give her a deadline and see if she will capitulate to me.
Now she runs whining to Tits Mcghee thinking that will change things...

Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High
PhallicElder) Sir, Please this man Chief Wiggum is making things
to hard for meto bear. Yea I am SURE he is...Below is the mail he sent to
me. .......................................................DearMrs. Estrada, Ref: 06098419004194 I am in receipt of your emaildated February 24, 2006. As you may have been informed, we arecurrently
investigating a person who has previously had contact withyou, namely one Mr. Gaylord Fagg. Mr. Fagg is currently incarcerated inour custody on preliminary charges of money laundering, theft, identitytheft, and
suspicion of passing around the Tribble virus with intent to infect people. My division is in charge of Criminal Compensations and Investigations and we authorise intermediate payments to victimsof
crime. I understand on reading your case notes that yourentitlement
is US $58,400. Of course you will understand that beforeI can authorise such a payment you will be required to send me proof ofyour identification to ensure that this payment is sent to theentitled
person, so please would you forward me a scan of your international passport and a signed letter with thefollowing statement: ----------------------------------------------------------



---------------------- Your name Your address Your telephone
number Date ofbirth Today's date. SPD: Chief Charlie Wiggum-
SpringfieldPolice Criminal Compensation Department Dear Mr. Wiggum, C.R.A.B. Reference Number: Ref: 06098419004194 This letter is tocertify that I am the above named person and I am entitled
to adonation payment, authorised by H.P.E. Tits Mcghee of The Church of
theAssimilated Virgin. The total payment I am entitled to is US
$58,400. Please find attached a copy of my official identification
which Iconfirm is a true representation of me. I confirm that during thecourse of my communication with all members of The Church ofthe Assimilated Virgin that all information I have given has beentruthful
and factually correct and that if any false information hasbeen given in any form I shall immediately lose all entitlement to thedonation payment due to me. Sincerely, SIGN YOU NAME Date:WRITE THE
DATE Thank you, Chief Charlie Wiggum SPD CriminalCompensation Department. Find below is my reply to him. ....................................................... Attn:ChiefCharlie Wiggum Sir FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194. Below are the information Name:Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada. Address: Manila- Philippine My phone number-Not
available Date ofBirth -2nd july,1961. Dear Mr. Wiggum. Sir,
C.R.A.B.Refference Number:Ref:06098419004194. This letter isto
certify that i am the above named person and i am entitled to adonation payment, authorised by H.P.E. Tits Mcghee of the Church ofthe Assimilated Virgin.The total payment i am entitled to is US$10,000Plus
Us$48,400 for the payment of some piece of land where we can startthe church of the Assimilated Virgin in my area. Please find belowthe attached copy of my official Identification which i confirm is atrue
representation of me. I confirm that during the course ofmy communication with all members of the Church of the AssimilatedVirgin that all information i have given has been truthful andfactually
correct and that if any false information has been given inany form, i shall immediately lose all entitlement to donation paymentdue to me. Warmest Regards Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada Date:27th

Feb,2006.. Find below his mail to me this morning. ....................................................... Mrs.
Estrada, Ref: 06098419004194 I have received your email, but you havenot met the requirements as of yet. I specifically instructed you tosign and date the letter, not type in your name and date. Also,
we willneed a physical address not just your city and country. Without thisinformation, I would not be able to process your claim. Ihave spoken with H.P.E Tits Mcghee, and informed him that we are ableto be a
bit more lenient on information such as a phone number orpassport given your situation, but we cannot allow ourselves to get allthe way away from the proper procedure. I have included the letter foryou to return
to me once again, please get it right this time.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------- Your name Your address (Full address) Yourtelephone number (not required) Date of birth Today's date. SPD: Chief
Charlie Wiggum- Springfield Police CriminalCompensation Department Dear Mr. Wiggum, C.R.A.B. ReferenceNumber: Ref: 06098419004194 This letter is to certify that I amthe above named person and I am entitled to a donation payment,authorised by H.P.E. Tits Mcghee of The Church of the AssimilatedVirgin. The total payment I am entitled to is US $58,400. Pleasefind attached a copy of my official identification which I confirm is atrue representation of me. I confirm that during the course of mycommunication with all
members of The Church of the Assimilated Virginthat all information I have given has been truthful and factuallycorrect and that if any false information has been given in any form Ishall immediately lose all
entitlement to the donation payment due tome. Sincerely, SIGN YOU NAME (Physically sign letter) Date:WRITE THE DATE (Physically write date) _____________________________________________________ I am surethis will clarify the situation for you. I also must inform you that wewill be closing your case permanently on 7 March 2006. If you have notcompleted all the required paperwork and information, your case will beclosed and you will not be able to get the funds which you have claimedas yours. Thank you, Chief Charlie Wiggum SPDCriminal Compensation Department ....................................................... Please TitsMcghee(High Elder) what do you advise that i should do now? comply with what he wants STUPID!!!Please i amgetting tried of everything and with the way things are going now, aresome information that i don't need give out for security
reason becausei don't know who spy or not. Please advise and help me talk tochief Charlie Wiggum. I look forward to your urgent reply. Thankyou and God bless us all. Warmest Regards Dr. Mrs louisaPimentelEstrada.

So the HPE has to respond, and respond he does...

From: H.P.E. Tits Mcghee
To: Dr. Mrs. Louis Pimentel Esstrada


Sister Estroda,


I do not understand what else I can do for you.I have asked Chief Wiggum to be more lenient and he told me that he was willing to forgo the need for a phone number and a copy of your passport given your current dire situation. He is simply asking that you give him an address and a signed letter, so that he may proceed with disbursing the funds that are yours.


As to the question of whether or not you can trust Chief Wiggum, he is an altar servicer in the Church, and has been an upstanding member of the Church for more than 10 years now.If you feel you cannot trust a member of the Church, I am not sure how we would be able to help you further. I would instruct you to simply comply with the requirements of the Police Department so that you can complete this as soon as humanly possible.


I am sure that you understand, but it is very disturbing to hear that you would accuse amember of The Church of the Assimilated Virgin of duplicity or of being a spy. If you remember in Article 1 of your membership agreement, you agreed to obey the instructions of the Church Leadership. I have already instructed you to simply comply with Chief Wiggum and all would be taken care of. If you cannot do that, I am afraid I cannot help you further. I am not able to change Police Department policy, Chief Wiggum may be a member of the Church, but I cannot interfere with the way he performs his duties.


My suggestion to you would be to work as faithfully and honestly as you can with him,and I am sure that you will get satisfaction and wet as well. You have already proven to be a great and baited member of the Church and I would hate for you not to get your just desserts. I am eagerly waiting to see the outcome of this in a way that will be enlightening and good for all honest parties concerned.


May the Great Phallus protect you and keep you wet.


TitsMcghee
High Phallic Elder

I wonder, will she take it to heart?

A Nigerian Scammer Joins "My Church" pt 5

From: High Phallic Elder Tits Mcghee
To: Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentel Estrada


Sister Estrada,
I am truly sorry to have been delayed in returning your emails regarding the disposition of your funds. I believe there is some explaining that needs to happen at this point. First of all, let me explain the history of this transaction as you may not be aware of everything that has occurred.


First, Acting Rev. Gaylord Fagg has been arrested and charged with 200 felony counts of theft and embezzlement. It seems that he was not sending the funds to all the needy people as he was tasked with doing, instead he was funnelling the money to a Cayman Island account in his name. This was discovered by the Church in part due to your emails and diligence in making sure that the monies were delivered to you as we had promised you.


I must apologize to you, we should have never allowed a person that was in our "Reform the Felons and Sex Offenders" program to handle such delicate and important transactions as yours. This I assure you has been corrected. In the future we will in the future have these sorts of transaction handled by our trustworthy and professional staff.


Because we have had to have Gaylord Fagg arrested and prosecuted, we had to recover all of the stolen funds from his accounts, in order to do this we had to turn over all fiduciary duties to the Springfield City Police Department. Specifically Chief Charlie Wiggum will be handling all cases of reimbursement and disbursement of funds to those with valid and verifiable claims to the funds. Currently we have approximately $12 million dollars that are awaiting disbursement.


What you will need to do is this: You will need to contact Chief Wiggum with the case number which is: 06098419004194. This will allow him to know that you at least have a valid claim to the funds that should be disbursed to you. You will need to let him know how much of the $12 million is yours so that he can transfer the funds to you. Unfortunately we do not have an exact record of the funds due you because Rev. Fagg destroyed the records of your transaction with him. You will need to provide Chief Wiggum with the amount of the fund that is yours.
You can contact Chief Wiggum or his assistant Detective Apu Nahasapimapetilan at this email address. Unfortunately, they are not able to make international telephone calls as they are after all on a city budget. Their email address is: . Please contact Chief Wiggum at your earliest convienience and I am sure he will be more than happy to assist you with obtaining the funds that are rightfully yours.


Again, I am very sorry that these events had to happen to such a kind, caring and obviously needy family such as yours.


May the Phallus guide you and keep you wet,

Tits Mcghee
High Phallic Elder

Let's see how she responds to this one....

Attn: Tits Mcghee(HighPhallic Elder)
Sir,
Thanks for your mail and i am sorry for allthese. In the first place who is this man Chief Charlie Wiggum becausei need to who he is before i will contact him. Ilook forward tohearing from you soonest.Thank you and God bless us all.
WarmestRegards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada.

Seems a bit nervous don't she? I wonder do you think she likes cops?

From: Tits Mcghee High Phallic Elder
To: Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentel Estrada

Sister Estrada,

There is no need to apologize, it was thanks to your diligence that we came to the knowledge that Rev. Fagg was stealing from the church.
You will be blessed by the Great Phallus, and always wet because of your diligence in this matter.


As to the identity of Chief Charlie Wiggum. He is the Detective assigned to the investigation of the theft case against Rev. Fagg. As I said in my previous email you will need to contact him to resolve the matter of your case and to collect the funds due you. Again the case number is: 06098419004194 for your reference. Please just refer to the case number in your email and let him know that you need to resolve your claim with the Church.


May the Great Phallus keep you wet,


Tits Mcghee
High Phallic Elder

I hope I have soothed her nerves and she goes for the bait, and of course she does, lets all welcome Chief Charlie Wiggum to the fold!

Attn: Mr Tits Mcghee(High Phallic Elder)
Sir,
Below is the copyof the message sent to :Chief Charlie Wiggum for yourpersual.
..............................................
Attn:Chief Charlie Wiggum
Sir
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS06098419004194.

I am Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada. I wasdirected to contact you by MrTits Mcghee High Phallic Elder of theChurch of the Assimilated Virgin.I write to let you know that ineed to resolve my claim with the church with the total sum ofUSD$58,400.

Sir, i also wish to let you know that the abovementioned funds have been approved to release to me for a very longtime now even before the death of late Rev,Harry Balls.
Finally,i will be very much happier if you would kindly released the saidapproved sum of money to me. As you do this, may the God of the churchof the Assimilated Virgin bless you and your family.

I lookforward to hearing from you soonest.Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada.

I think I will let her stew for a day and see where things can go from here, stay tuned kiddies this is gonna be fun!
the silly fool sends another note to Tots Mcghee to see where she should go...

Attn: Mr Tits Mcghee(High Phallic Elder)
Sir,
Below is the copyof the message sent to :Chief Charlie Wiggum for yourpersual. ...............................................
Attn:Chief Charlie Wiggum
Sir
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS06098419004194.

I am Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada. I wasdirected to contact you by MrTits Mcghee High Phallic Elder of theChurch of the Assimilated Virgin.I write to let you know that ineed to resolve my claim with the church with the total sum ofUSD$58,400.
Sir, i also wish to let you know that the abovementioned funds have been approved to release to me for a very longtime now even before the death of late Rev,Harry Balls.
Finally,i will be very much happier if you would kindly released the saidapproved sum of money to me. As you do this, may the God of the churchof the Assimilated Virgin bless you and your family.
I lookforward to hearing from you soonest.Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada.

So I don't respond to this email, as it is really unneccesary, she then sends me the email that started all this to get my opinion on it.

Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)
Sir,
How are you today?
I have writeen to Chief CharlieWiggum and i told him that my money is Usd$58,400.Actually, my own moneythere is usd$10,000 and the remaining usd$48,400 was meant for the newpiece of land Rev GayLord Fagg told me that he would send the money toacquired a piece of land where the church of the Assimilated Virginwill be established in my area..please sir, i would like you to help meout in collect the money because most of the information required, iwill not be able to forward it to him.Like that of my internationalpassport and my phone would not be given to him because all my traveldocuments are been confiscated by the government of Philippines theexcept my identity card which i will be to forward to him below is mystory.Go through it and see how you are going to help me so that mypeople will be not know.

I didn't include the email again, as it is long and rather boring B.S.
Attn: Tits Mcghee(High Phallic Elder)
Sir,
Please i need your advisebased on the mail i sent to you.
Thank you and God bless us all.
WarmestRegards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada.
I still have not replied to her, mostly to annoy her, but also because I was busy with work and stuff

From: H.P.E. Tits Mcghee
To: Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentel Estrada

Sister Estrada,


I am very saddened to hear that you are having such a tough time with providing the information that the Police are requiring to release the funds to you.


I will do what I can within my power as HPE of the Church to assist you in your efforts. I have spoken with Chief Wiggum and requested that he be lenient in his requirements with you. He informed me that he would be willing to accept your ID card that you stated you had as proof of your identity. He informed me that you will need to contact him with your letter filled in the information to the best of your ability.


He has assured me that as long as you do your best to cooperate with them, they will be happy to get you taken care of in a timely and efficient manner. As only police are want to do.


I hope that this has assisted you.


May the Great Phallus keep you wet,


Tits Mcghee
High Phallic Elder

gee, I hope this helps her, Enter Chief Wiggum again, I am also posting her obviously FAKE ID as well...

Attn:Chief Charlie Wiggum
Sir
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.
Below are the information
Name:Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada.
Address: Manila- Philippine
My phone number-Not available
Date of Birth -2nd july,1961.

Dear Mr. Wiggum.
Sir,
C.R.A.B.Refference Number:Ref:06098419004194.

This letter is to certify that i am the above named person and i am entitled to a donation payment, authorised by H.P.E. Tits Mcghee of the Church of the Assimilated Virgin.The total payment i am entitled to is US$10,000 Plus Us$48,400 for the payment of some piece of land where we can start the church of the Assimilated Virgin in my area.
Please find below the attached copy of my official Identification which i confirm is a true representation of me.

I confirm that during the course of my communication with all members of the Church of the Assimilated Virgin that all information i have given has been truthful and factually correct and that if any false information has been given in any form, i shall immediately lose all entitlement to donation payment due to me.

Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada
Date:27th Feb,2006.

so now the chief has to answer her and be her buddy right?She also sent a copy to Tits Mcghee, but I thought it pointless to post it twice...

A Nigerian Scammer Joins "My Church" pt 4

So of course I DON'T send her anything...

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
Thanks for yourmail.I am glad hearing that the funds would be wired today.
Pleaseyou are advise to send a copy of the Payment slip to me via this myalternative e-mail
address:mrsl_estra2002@yahoo.com.au and a copyto the Security Company's e-mail address:securitas_d114@yahoo.co.uk fortheir persual.
Have a nice day.I look forward to receiving thePayment Slip from you soonest.
thank you and God bless all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Aww, more instructions from the peanut gallery....

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
sir,
How are you today andthe church?Based on the content of your mail yesterday, i thought yousaid that you would be wiring the payment out this afternoon, and thenyou would send me the payment slip.
I write to notify that i havenot received any thing from you.Is anything the matter?Please kindly letme know what is going on.
I look forward to receiving the paymentslip. Thank you and God bless all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Of course I will ignore her for a while ....

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
Howare you today?Please what is going on?
I look forward to hearing fromyou.Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs LuisaPimentel Estrada

Impatient arent we? Ok so I send her the payment information...It's fake, but I am sure it will create some great hilarity for her anyway.

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Mrs. Louis Pimento Estreata

Sister Estreata,


I am very sorry that I was not able to send out the funds as I had earlier told you I would. Unfortunately I came down with a very serious tribble infection and had to have my corn hole reamed out by several podiatrists in order to get regular again. I do have your payment information and it is attached in this letter for you. It seems that our bank would not allow the transfer of funds to your bank, due to all the 9/11 security and whatnot so we had to use Western Union to get the money to you. I am sure that this will not be a problem correct?


Here is your payment information slip.
Name of Payee: Mrs. Louis Pimento Estreata
Secret Question: Who was just baited by the church?
Answer: New baited members!
MTCN Number: 9318262251
I hope these funds find you healthy and able to collect what is rightfully yours!

May god and his great phallus keep you,

Gaylord Fagg
Acting Reverend
More to come! Gee I wonder if she will get her money?....Nah!!
Did she collect her money? hmm, what happens now?

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(ActingReverend) Sir, Thanks for your mail and i wish to thank God Almightfor healing you from that infection. I am in receipt of the paymentinformation slip and as i earlier informed you that i would like thefunds to wired into my account via Swift or Telegraphic Transfer and notvia Western Union money transfer reason is because i can not go outbecause i have been under house arrest for a very long timenow. Please, i beg you to change the receiver's name and Address sothat the funds can get to me without any problem.Below are theinformation needed for this transfer.Use these names and address for theWestern Union money transfer. 1.TORNELL JONES ADDRESS:DUBLININLAND. .......................................................................................2.MARIAM OGBONNA ADDRESS: DUBLININLAND. please use the above information to send the money viaWestern Union money transfer.Another important information is this, youhave to split the funds into two with the names above. Finally, youare advise to give me the information below once the payment ismade. A.The name of the receiver and address. B.The sender's nameand address C.The Amount. D.The control numbers(M.T.C.N) E.the testquestion and answer. Please, kindly do this for me. look forwardto receiving the Payment information from you soonest. Thank you andGod bless all. Warmest Regards Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada

So, I don't send her anything for a day or so, just to keep her anxious and cuz I was bored and never got around to her

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,

I write toknow how far you have gone with the payment. Please kindly up dateme.
Payment Slip from you soonest. Thank you and God bless all.

Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

So now I get back to her, and I am thinking:hmm, it appears that she is unable to leave her palace in the Phillipines, oh well the "church" will have to accomodate her right?

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Mrs. Lous Pimento Estreata

Sister Estreata,

It took us all of yesterday to recover the monies we sent you. Thankfully we were able to recover the funds so that they can be resent to you now. We of course would also like to send you the first installment of our seed money so that we can begin the work of building the church in your area. Would the amount of $42,800 be enough for you to pay the down payment on some piece of property for us to build a temple to the great phallus?
Here is the payment information so that you can collect the money sent to you. Due to the changing transfer rate of funds, we simply rounded up and guestimated as to how much is necessary, please let me know if we have sent you enough money.


PAYMENT 1:
RECIPIENT: MR. TORNELL JONES
ADDRESS: DUBLIN INLAND
SENDER: GAYLORD FAGG
CLEVELAND OH, USA
AMOUNT: $5,000 USD
M.T.C.N: 9325600887
TEST QUESTION: Who was just baited by the church?
ANSWER: New baited members!

PAYMENT 2:
RECIPIENT: MARIAM OGBONNA
ADDRESS: DUBLIN INLAND
SENDER: GAYLORD FAGG
CLEVELAND OH, USA
AMOUNT:  $5,000 USD
M.T.C.N: 9325600896
TEST QUESTION: What is your corn hole for?
ANSWER: To warm a willing phallus!

I hope that this information finds you healthy and happy. We at the Church of the Assimilated Virgin are praying for your sad family and hope that you are able to be a bit more comfortable now that you have the funds to release what is rightfully yours.


Please Sister Etcetera, make sure and take care of your family and don't forget to spread the great and glorious work of the great phallus and the wet gash to the world.


May the phallus keep you wet,


Gaylord Fagg
Acting Reverend

Now let's see if she can collect her money shall we? this should be tons o' fun
Yea I sent her the information and boy was she excited!!

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(ActingReverend)
Sir,
Thanks for your mail with the payment information.Maythe Almight God bless and prosper you and the whole church ofAssimilated Virgin.AS you helped and wiped away shame from my family,the Almight God will never allowed you to see shame in your life.Thenumber of your years will be like the shore of a corn.You will never diebefore your time,you will be established forever as the moon.The churchof Assimilated Virgin have brought back joy and happiness in my familyagain and i vowed never to let kingdom down.I will always live to spreadthe great and glorious work of the great phallus and the wet gash to theworld.

The Usd$42,800 will be enough for me to pay the down paymenton some piece of property for us to build a temple to the greatPhallus.But please wired the funds for the property via swift Transferor Telegraphic Transfer(TT) with the account information i have alreadyforwarded to you.As i am writing to you there are two Properties thatare available for sale and people are coming for them.I advised thatthe funds should be wired immedaietly for payment into that account igave to you before.
Looking forward to hearing from you
Thank you andGod bless us all.
Warmest Regards.
Dr.Mrs Luisa PimentelEstrada

hmmm, I wonder what will happen now? Of course I didn't respond to her idiotic preaching of the work of the Virgin, but hey...
Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
Please there is no confirmation regarding the payment you made via western union.
Thereceivers have gone to the bank to pick up the funds sent by you butthey were told by the casher that they do not have an order with theprovided information.
Please,you are advised to contact the bankwhere the funds was wired to findout if they actually transfer the fundsbecause there is no such information like the ones you forwarded in thebank.Please do the confirmation now because the funds have not beenwired.
finally, contact the bank and ask them why they have failed towired the funds and let them do the correction so that the funds can bepick up by the receivers.
i look forward to hearing from you soonest. Thank you and God bless all. Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.LuisaPimentel Estrada

so I feel bad for her and have to respond with something to calm her down right? You will notice that I sent her new numbers slightly altered, but first I let her stew a bit in the following emails.

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
How far?were you ableto find out from them and what did they say was the problem? did theyactually send the money?Please let me know immediately.
Lookingforward to hearing from you soonest.
Thank you and God bless all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada

And she sends me another one!

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
Does it that funds wasnot sent out.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada.

So now I must respond with something to make her feel better.

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Mrs. Lous Pimento Estrda

Sister Estrda,

I will contact the bank and find out why the money was not wired to you. I am sorry that I did not get back to you yesterday, I only now received your email. You see I had to perform Four Weddings and a Funeral for Five Brothers. It was a very hectic day, and I got really tired of playing the Crying Game, and had to rest after my busy day. I will contact the bank today and insure that the funds are wired out if they have not already been.
I have double checked the information I sent you and am sending it to you again to make sure that I didn't Fat Finger the information when I typed it last time. Here is the information double check it will you?


PAYMENT 1:
RECIPIENT: MR.TORNELL JONES
ADDRESS: DUBLIN INLAND
SENDER: GAYLORD FAGG
CLEVELAND OH, USA
AMOUNT:  $5,000 USD
M.T.C.N: 9325608687
TEST QUESTION: Who was just baited by the church?
ANSWER: New baited members!

PAYMENT 2:
RECIPIENT:  MARIAM OGBONNA
ADDRESS: DUBLIN INLAND
SENDER: GAYLORD FAGG
CLEVELAND OH, USA
AMOUNT: $5,000 USD
M.T.C.N: 9325660898
TEST QUESTION: What is your corn hole for?
ANSWER:To warm a willing phallus!

I believe this is the same information I sent you before, but please let me know and if I sent it to you incorrectly the first time, I apologize, this tribble infection had gotten the best of me.


May Gods Phallus keep you wet,


Gaylord Fagg
Acting Reverend

More fun on it's way!
Ahh, the saga continues

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
Pleasecontact the western union office where you sent out the funds to releasethe funds.I was informed by the receivers that the western unionrefused to released the funds to them.
Please kindly,inform themforthwith to release the funds to the receiversplease.
finally,also make sure you tell them that the funds was meantfor your church members children school fees should in case they askedyou the purpose of sending the funds out.
I am not happy with theway things are going with the funds.
I look forward to hearing from yousoonest.
Thank you and God bless all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

So I didn't respond to her, I am letting the anticipation build. She gets back to me a bit more irritated

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
Whereyou able to contact the bank and what was there respond?Please shouldnot be quite over this matter at hand.
Thank you and God bless usall.
warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Still can't spell I see? Hmmm well should I respond? Nah, not yet

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(ActingReverend)
Sir,
Where you able to contact the bank and what was thererespond?Please should not be quite over this matter at hand.
Thankyou and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.LuisaPimentel Estrada

Ok, time to respond. Wait for the next update kiddies it will be a doosie!
So now I have to drop the other shoe on her and really start having some fun! But first I have to let her stew a bit...

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(ActingReverend)
Sir, Where you able to contact the bank and what was thererespond?Please should not be quite over this matter at hand. Thankyou and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.LuisaPimentel Estrada

Now it's time to really screw with this bitch, ready to meet someone new?

A Nigerian Scammer Joins "My Church" pt 3

Oh, yea time to bring in another player

From: Gaylord Fagg
Assistant to Rev. Harry Balls
To: Mrs. Louisa Pimental Estrada

Sister Estrada,


Firstly let me introduce myself, I amPastor in training Gaylord Fagg. I am Rev. Harry Balls' assistant andNew Membership coordinator. I want to first let you know that, as awhole we were not offended by your offer of 25%, you simply did notunderstand how our church works.


I have been instructed by Rev.Balls to begin the New Membership process with you, so that we may beable to assist you and spread the word of the Assimilated Virgin to allpeoples of the earth.
In order for us to assist you as I amsure Rev. Balls informed you, the first step is to bring yourself andyour family into our "family of the Assimilated Virgin". This doesrequire that you of course join in our faith. The process for this isvery simple, and we are sure you will be able to do this with little orno effort or hardship on your part.


First, you must send us aphoto of yourself for our new membership rolls. This of course hasalready been supplied by our brother Standingup. You needn't send usanother one, as you have ALREADY TAKEN THE FIRST STEP!Congratulations!
Second, you must sign and return the attachedmembership acceptance and enrollment form. All you need do is eitherprint sign, scan and return to us or you may also print it then fax itback to us if that would be easier for you. Please make sure that you dosign the form. Only hand signed forms will be accepted. Our fax/phonenumber is: 206-666-4930.


Once the forms have been submitted tous we can either send you the funds to release your belongings via MoneyTransfer or we can simply wire the money to a bank account of yourchoosing.


We also require that as a new member, if there is not a hall of worship where you may go and worship the Great Phallus, thatyou also stay in touch with us, so that we can begin the process offinding a suitable location to either build or purchase a building foryou and all the new members to worship in. We as a church of coursewould finance the entire project. As the first member in your area, youof course would have sole discretion over what type of building or landwould be appropriate for this. If you would like we can also sendmissionaries to you to assist you in starting this process as well.


I have at Rev. Balls' request also attached a photo of the reverendfor you as well.


I am happy to assist you, and if you needanything or have any questions, please feel free to ask. God bless yousister, and may the Great Phallus protect you.


God bless,


Gaylord Fagg
Assistant to Rev. HarryBalls

gotta keep her on her toes right? Now the photo attached was of Q from the judgment episode. I will post the enrollment agreement in a while

Attn:Rev. Harry Balls
Sir,
Thanks for all your endavours ireally appreciate it all. Sir, i accepted all what you madementioned in the mail. But could you please help me re-send all theattachments via this my alternative e-mailaddress:mrsl_estra2000@yahoo.com.au so that i can get all theattachments and complete that which you requested that i shoulddo.Please i find it difficult to get attachment from this box.
Onceagain,my family and i are highly appreciate your co-working andco-operating for us always.
And thank you again for your greatmerciful assistances .
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards

Dr.Mrs LuisaPimentel Estrada.

will she sign it?
somehow I missed an email somewhere but she requested I send the attachments again. so of course I did

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Mrs. Estradea

Mrs. Estradea,

Here are the attachments as requested. Please follow all the instructions from the previous email I sent you. I will be looking for your return email to begin the process for you.


Again our phone/fax number here at the church offices is: 206-666-4930. Please call us if you have any concerns or problems.

God bless you and may the Great Phallus keep you.

Gaylord Fagg
Asst. to Rev. Harry Balls

hmm will she sign or not?

Attn:Rev. Harry Balls Sir Please write to find out if you
received the mail i sent to you about two hours ago. Please sir, i requested
that the attachments should please resend to me so that i can complete that which i was required to do.I was not able to retrive the attachment through this box. Please i will be very much happy if
those attachments should be resent to me via this my alternative e-mail
address:mrsl_estra2002@yahoo.com.au so that i will proceed.Sorry for
the troublems. I look forward hearing from you. Thank you and God Bless us all. Warmest Regards Dr.Mrs.luisa Pimentel Estrada

and round we go

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Mrs. Louis Pimento Estradea

Sister Estrada,

I have received your email and have sent the attachments to the email
address you specified. I hope that this helps you and you are able to
complete the membership process with our church. We do look forward to
having you and your families as new members in the Great Phallus.


God bless you,

Gaylord Fagg
Asst. to Rev. Harry Balls

well I'm waiting....
Attn: Rev. Harry Balls
Sir,
Thanks for your mail and i am very sorry for replying late it was as a
result of my illness.For the past three days i have been on the sick
bed.Once again, i reallY appreciate your co-working and co-operation for
us always and thank you for your great assistances.
Sir, please do what ever you wish to do to help my family and i out.
Finally,,below is the attached Membership Agreement form for your
persual. Ilook forward to hearing from you.Thank you and God bless us all.
warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

She signed it, and here it is for your viewing pleasure, now read carefully kiddies

The Church of the Assimilated Virgin
MEMBERSHIP AGREEMENT AND ENROLLMENT FORM

Name: ____________________________

1. I _____________, Do swear to uphold the beliefs and tenets of the Church of the Assimilated Virgin. I promise to follow in the teachings and the ways of my Church Officials. I will NEVER question or doubt the leadership of the Church.

2. I _____________, Will spend every waking moment worshiping the Great Phallus, and praying that one day it may spooge its glory upon me.

3. I _____________, Give myself wholly and completely to the Great Phallus, and will never stray from its testimonial testicles. The great and heavy testimonial testicles will be my guiding rod.

4. I _____________, Shall donate my time and energy to making the Church of the Assimilated Virgin the greatest and most powerful phallus on Earth. My phallus shall be dedicated to the whims and turns of the Church.

5. I _____________, Promise to give my corn hole to all sailors and men of honor or inmates whenever they need a warm corn hole to place their phallus in.

With the above agreements and with my whole being I do declare that I wish to join the Church of the Assimilated Virgin. By agreeing to become a member of the Church I agree to follow the Assimilated Virgin in all things, and to become the best baited person that I can be, following in her wet and waiting gash of love and healthy living, as only the great phallus could provide.
______________________ _____________
Newly Baited Member Date of Baiting

So I sit on the membership agreement for a while

Attn:Rev Harry Balls
Sir,

I write to know if youhave received the mail i sent to you with the attached membershipagreement.
I look forward to your urgent reply.

Thank you and Godbless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa PimentelEstrada.

A little anxious arent' we?

Attn:Rev. Harry Balls
Sir,

Can some body tell me what is goingon.I have not heard from you since i sent the membership agreement toyou. Please sir, is anything the matter?Kindly up date me.
I lookforward hearing from you.
Thank you and God Bless us all. Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.luisa Pimentel Estrada

Still made her wait a bit, and you will soon see why

Attn:Rev. Harry Balls
Sir,

I have not heard from you since isent the membership agreement to you.Is anything the matter? Please tryto up date me.I look forward hearing from you.
Thank you and Godbless all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

ok time to let her in on a little disaster secret

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Louisa Pimento Estradea

Sisster Estreada,

I am sorry that I have not gotten back to you sooner regarding your membership agreement. It has been a very sad week for us here. You see, Rev. Harry Balls was murdered while attempting to assist some homeless people into the relocation vans, which the city uses to move the homeless to Akron. Unfortunately due to this situation, I have not had much time to handle your situation. Please forgive the delay in your assistance.


I will now review your membership agreement, and from there it should not be an issue to have the money wired to the security house and to have your monies released. I will get back to you within the next few days, with your payment information.


Now, were you interested in opening a branch of the church in your area? If so, please let us know so that we may begin the process of alocating that money as well.
Also, which bank would you like the funds wired to? or, do you prefer to use Western Union?

May the phallus bless and keep you,

Acting Rev. Gaylord Fagg.

hmm will she take the bait, and feel the pain of the church? Now she did send me the information, but I seem to have misplaced the email. Oh, well

Attn: Rev Harry Balls Sir, How areyou today, the church and the whole members? I write to know how farthings are going with te church and to ask if you have received theaccount information where the funds will be wired into via TelegraphicTransfer or Swift Transfer. Have a nice day and take very good careof your self. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you and God Bless us all. Warmest Regards Dr.Mrs.luisa PimentelEstrada

well now I just have to respond to her right?

Sister Etceteda,


The church is still recovering from Rev. Harry Ball's death. We will be back to church business as usual shortly. I know you mean well, but could you please not address you future email to Rev. Harry? He has gone to the great wet gash in the center, and so if you could please address the mail to myself that would be very appreciated.
We have received your payment information, and are in the process of disbursing the funds. We in the church are very excited to hear that you would like to open a branch chamber of the great phallus in your area. I have spoken to the testicular comittee, and they are as I write arranging for as many as 100 missionaries to travel to the Phillipines to begin the great work with you to open the church! Bless you Sister Etceteda! You will soon be in the great warmth of the Phallus I am sure!


God bless and phallically keep you,


Gaylord Fagg
Acting Reverend.

the saga continues....

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,

Thanks for yourmail and i am very sorry if i have done something wrong.Please sir, howwas the burial?Please help me tell the diseased family and the wholechurch to take heart to bear the lost of the former Rev.HarryBalls. Please sir, my family and i are suffering.Make sure you actfast to help our situation.
I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you and God bless all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.LuisaPimentel Estrada

So I guess she took my admonition to heart huh? Yea and I will make sure and tell the "diseased" family all about it.

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Louis Pimento Estreta


SisterEstreta,


You have not offended anyone with your emails. We allunderstand that with your limited english vocabulary, that you may havea hard time with those sorts of things.
I will be wiring the paymentout later this afternoon, and then I will send you the paymentinformation so that you may collect the funds necessary to help yourfamily out of their situation.


We do appreciate the care andheartfelt sympathies that you have sent in your emails regarding thepassing of Rev. Balls. We do appreciate you and your families prayersand love in this time of sadness for the church.

Please look forthe email with the payment information attached.


May god blessyou and his phallus keep you wet.
Gaylord Fagg
ActingReverend.

A Nigerian Scammer Joins "My Church" pt 2

well time to introduce someone new to the mix

Mr. Morris,

It is obvious that you do not wish to continue our business. I do not appreciate the tone of your emails and therefore do not wish to continue with you or your business. I have forwarded your information to a local church leader here that may be interested in helping Mrs. Estrada out. If she would like to contact him, he may be willing to assist her. You can contact him at .

His name is Rev. Harry Balls.

Phallically yours,

IP Standingup

Ya think she wrote him?

Attn: Rev. Harry Balls
Sir,

I am mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada, I wasasked to write you by Mr Ignacious Pantishoes Standingup who have beenin transaction with me.Which i know he might have discussed it withyou. Actually, i am not certain of why i was asked to contact you, butwithin my own cilantro knowledge i felt, its just to get blessing of Godfrom a servant of God like you. Pls sir, if there is any questionthat you feel like asking me as regards to this transaction kindly letme know.I look forward hearing from you.
Thank you and God Bless usall.
Warmest Regards

Dr.Mrs.luisa Pimentel Estrada

Of course she did! And the church is there to help her

From: Rev. Harry Balls
To: MrsLuisa Pimentel Estrada

Sister Estrada,

I am glad thatyou have written me regarding your recent transaction with my parishonerbrother Standingup. He has told me of your situation and I have a fewquestions for you. He has told me that you are under house arrest forcrimes which you did not commit? Is this true? I am truly sorry to hearof your predicament. It just saddens me a man of God to hear of one ofGod's children in such a situation.


Our church The Church ofthe Assimilated Virgin, wish to help you in your time of need. We wouldlike to extend a hand of love and friendship towards you and yourfamily, and in that way maybe to bring some peace and joy back into yourlives.


I understand that you need to release an amount of fundsthat are locked away in a security vault in Europe, is this true? Howmuch would it take for us to assist you in recovering your funds? We arenot a wealthy church, but we could see it clear to assist you with asmuch as $30,000 dollars to get your family back it's well being andsecurity. You would of course just need to reimburse us for the monieswe paid to release your funds once your have your money available toyou. We do not wish to profit from your situation, only to assist you inyour time of need.


If this is something you would like us tohelp you with, or if you wish our assistance in this matter, write backand we will go from there.


God bless us all,


Rev. HarryBalls
Head Minister

Gee is it a real church or is it memorex?

Attn:Rev Harry Balls
Sir,

Thanks for your mail and i wish to notifyyou that the content of your message has brought back life, hope, peaceand joy in my life. Based on your questions, below are the answersto your questions.

1.It is true, i am under house arrest for crimes idid not commit.

2.I have some huge amount of money to be releasedthat was deposited in a Security Company in europe on my behalf by myhusband.It will cost almost Nine thousand five hundred Euros only tocollect the consignment from the security company based on what theydiscussed with your parishoner brother, Mr Standingup.I would reimburseyou the money you paid to release the monwy from the security companyand even offer 25% of the total sum to the church once the money isavailable.

Finally, for coming to help my family and i, my prayer for you is,Rev, Harry Balls, may you and the church decrease, while theAlmight God increases in your life and in the ministry.May your life andthat of the ministry be established forever as the moon.(Amen).Lookingforward to hearing from you.

Thank you and God bless us all.
WarmestRegards

Dr.Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

and she even attempts to bribe a preist

From: Rev. Harry Balls
To: MrsLuisa Pimentel Estrada

Sister Estrada,


I am saddened tohear that you and your family have been treated so very pourly by yourown peeple. It is not right that in a christian world someone as goodand caring as yourself and your family are treated like common theivesor criminals.


I have spoken with the High Elders of the GreatPhallus, and we have all decided that the Church will be happy to assistyou in your endeavor to collect the funds that are rightfully yours. We doappreciate the offer of 25% but, honestly we cannot take money fromsomeone in your situation at this time. We would however appreciate itif in return for our help, if you would be willing to spread the workand the glory of the Assimilated Virgin throughout your country and toall of your people. To that end, and in order for us to assist you andpay the fees required to release the funds for you, we do require thatyou and your family join us in our faith and become members of TheChurch of the Assimilated Virgin.

If this would be ok with youwe can proceed with assisting you in releasing the funds your family sosorely needs. Write back as soon as you can to let me know if we aregoing to be able to assist you.


Regardless of your choice, maythe Assimilated Virgin and God and his holy phallus always bless you andkeep you.
God bless you,

Rev. Harry Balls
HeadMinister

hehe I am going to make this bitch join my church

Attn:Rev. Harry Balls
Sir,

Thanks for all your endavours.Pleaseforgive me if i have offended you by offering 25% to you.
Iaccepted everything you made mentioned.It is okay by me.Please proceedwith your assistant.Looking forward to hearing from you. Thank youand God bless us all. Warmest Regards

Dr.Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

yea she is gonna join up

Mormonism Not a Cult?

This is what passes for 'proof' that Mormonism isn't a cult in Austrailia:

I am going to quote pieces and then post my responses. My responses will be italisized.

THE Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) is not a cult but a recognised religion with more than 14 million members.

Incorrect! The church 'claims' 14 million members. More than 60% of that number are inactive or no longer attending Mormons. For example, there are large numbers of 'members' that are listed on the church roles, but haven't attended or 'paid tithes' in generations. They for whatever reason are either intimidated (job, family etc.) into staying 'members' or just haven't felt the need to actually have themselves removed from the roles of membership. ALSO, the Church claims ALL people babtized posthumously as 'members'. Not a real accurate accounting there.

 It is not "an 18th century religious scam" but the result of the answer from God to a sincere prayer.

Again Incorrect! Joseph Smith was CONVICTED of "glass looking" (looking for buried treasure in the ground through a 'glass') when no treasure was ever found, he would claim that it "slipped away". The folks he scammed were quite justifiably irritated. Incidentally, the same 'glass' he used to look for buried treasure is the same 'glass' he used to 'translate' the BOM. Yes, folks the Urum and Thumum! Also, the BOM was first published as FICTION and when Joseph Smith FAILED to sell it "by Joseph Smith" he concocted the "religion" of Mormonism to 'sell his book'.

The church did not forbid African Americans from joining, although for a time African Americans were not able to receive the priesthood.

Partially true. The churh did not forbid African Americans from joining, it did however, forbid them from holding the priesthood or leadership roles in the church until the 1970's when the church was pressured by the US Govt. to change it's policies or LOSE it's Non-Profit status. African Americans were ONLY allowed to hold the priesthood for economic reasons INSIDE the church, NOT because God "felt that they were ready" etc. but so that the church could continue to draw MILLIONS in profits from it's followers and PAY nothing in taxes etc.

Matter of fact, in the first edition of the Journals of Discourses, then president Brigham Young stated that: "No Negroe shall ever hold the priesthood in Gods restored kingdom". Really brother Brigham? Really? Hmm. Guess God changed his mind, he does need that $$ afterall.

Isn't it great how this passes for 'proof' that mormonism isn't a cult?

Let's list some definitions of a cult and see if the LDS Church isn't one? The checklist I am using can be found here:

The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader and (whether he is alive or dead) regards his belief system, ideology, and practices as the Truth, as law.

Check!

Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.

Check! Try questioning the Church with a member and see what happens.

Mind-altering practices (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, and debilitating work routines) are used in excess and serve to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s).


Ever go to Sacrament meeting? Ever have to do your "volunteer work"? How about the 'sessions' in the Temple? .... CHECK!

The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel (for example, members must get permission to date, change jobs, marry—or leaders prescribe what types of clothes to wear, where to live, whether or not to have children, how to discipline children, and so forth).


Let's see... WOW, General Conference (earrings prophesy) Every meeting you attend as a Mormon? CHECK!

The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s) and members (for example, the leader is considered the Messiah, a special being, an avatar—or the group and/or the leader is on a special mission to save humanity).

Know what? I don't even have to say anything here. If you know anything about the Church, this one sticks out like a sore thumb! CHECK!

 The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which may cause conflict with the wider society.

Just read the post above again and see if you don't see it for yourself?

The leader is not accountable to any authorities (unlike, for example, teachers, military commanders or ministers, priests, monks, and rabbis of mainstream religious denominations).

Joseph Smith, Brigham Young? Ummm. CHECK!

The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify whatever means it deems necessary. This may result in members' participating in behaviors or activities they would have considered reprehensible or unethical before joining the group (for example, lying to family or friends, or collecting money for bogus charities).

Mountain Meadows Massacre anyone? Bishops interviews? Fast offerings? CHECK!

The leadership induces feelings of shame and/or guilt iin order to influence and/or control members. Often, this is done through peer pressure and subtle forms of persuasion.

If you were ever Mormon you know this one ALL TOO WELL. The entire life of a 'member' is built on guilt and peer pressure. As a Mormon, you do EVERYTHING possible to appear the way you are told to, to the members and your Bishop.

Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with family and friends, and radically alter the personal goals and activities they had before joining the group.

If you are a member, leave the church and tell your family you are doing so and see what happens. You will find yourself ostrasized and left out. I KNOW I have done this and many other former mormons have done this.

The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.

Missionaries? Every Sunday you hear about how "every member is a missionary" and consistently you are told to go out and find new members to bring into the church.

The group is preoccupied with making money.

This one is obvious. Just try NOT paying your tithing and see what happens with the Bishop. You will LOSE your Temple Rights and of course be called into the Bishop's office to discuss YOUR personal financial situation with someone that just wants your 10%. My own sister in law was told to pay her tithing EVEN though that would cause her to get BEHIND on her mortgage. The church would rather it's members were homeless than lose 10% from one member!

Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group and group-related activities.


Oh, it's all 'volunteer' work but you will be expected to spend the bulk of your free time NOT with your family but doing 'work' for the church!

Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.


This is true, UNLESS you are out proselyting for new members, then it is acceptable.

The most loyal members (the “true believers”) feel there can be no life outside the context of the group. They believe there is no other way to be, and often fear reprisals to themselves or others if they leave (or even consider leaving) the group.


Again, try leaving and see what happens. I have known people that when they left the church, lost their jobs, their homes and in several cases their spouses and children to the CHURCH.

By my count, it SURE looks like the Mormon Church qualifies as a cult! If you can disprove this, please feel free to. IF you agree with me, feel free to repost this EVERYWHERE. (A little credit would be nice though).

We all need to fight to expose this cult for what it is. A family ruining, money sucking group of fakes and frauds stealing from hard working people the world over. Expose them for what they are!

If you are considering joining them, DON'T do it. Stay away, you will be happier in the long run.