Friday, July 9, 2010

I would like to thank God for the following:

You know I am inspired to write and thank God for all that he/she/it has done for me over the last few decades. I would be remiss and ungrateful if I didn't take the time to say a little prayer and thank the Supreme Being/Creator for all that I have and have accomplished.

Here is my list of things I would like to thank God for in brief: ..... RIIIIIIGHT!

My existence! Without God I would not exist. After all, without God's influence, my parents would NEVER have made love and created me! They would just have had a sexless marriage and been childless.

My siblings! Again, without God, my parents would NEVER have had sex and therefore NEVER had any children whatsoever.

My Job! Yes, it was ALL God's doing that I am employed! God went to the job interview, influenced the interviewer to hire me and even wrote my resume!

My wife! Without God's inspiration, she would have stayed in her previous relationship and been supremely happy with her verbally abusive asshole of an ex husband!

My Son! Without God's help, I would never have had the wherewithal to make love to my wife and create our son!

Whiskey! Yup, you guessed it, God created the whiskey and helps me to have a glass every now and then!

My truck being paid off! Without God writing the checks, I would NEVER have paid it off! It had NOTHING to do with my budgeting and paying the bill!

Golf! God created it, he inspired me to enjoy it and even made me a decent player. I didn't even have to practice!! Yes God made me a golfer!

Football! Without God's influence, I would never have become a Redskins Fan!! I am sure though that God is a bit disappointed that it's mostly played on Sundays. Then again, he is probably a Cowboys fan so it really doesn't matter what he thinks on that count.

This is just a small list, I am sure I could have thanked God for electricity, air, water and of course gasoline and computers but hey, I didn't see the point in overkill. Let's just say that I am blessed that God has done all these things for me and NOBODY had to put in any effort whatsoever to make these things happen!

Thanks God.............................................................................................

For nothing.


  1. Maybe God made you a Redskins fan because he knew you were going to turn on him... Same reason he made me a Browns fan. :)

  2. You forgot to thank God for your food. Because, afterall, the food on your table has nothing to do with farmers and ranchers who work their asses off. It magically transports itself from the farm to the grocery store where you buy it with money that god put directly into your bank account.

    Oh, the "Word of God" graphic is awesome! And so true.

  3. Seek -Exactly!! Of course, if God were a fan of a 'real' team, he/she/it would understand the human condition instead of blaming humans for a design flaw created by the 'creator'.

    Mormon - Dammit! You are right! I should have thanked God for Food!! After all, everyone seems to feel the need to pray and thank God for something they got/bought/grew themselves!

    Maybe I should be thanking God for Monster Energy Drinks too! After all God made them right? And, what about all the evil in the world, that's Gods doing right?