A Nigerian Scammer Joins "My Church" pt 4

So of course I DON'T send her anything...

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
Thanks for yourmail.I am glad hearing that the funds would be wired today.
Pleaseyou are advise to send a copy of the Payment slip to me via this myalternative e-mail
address:mrsl_estra2002@yahoo.com.au and a copyto the Security Company's e-mail address:securitas_d114@yahoo.co.uk fortheir persual.
Have a nice day.I look forward to receiving thePayment Slip from you soonest.
thank you and God bless all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Aww, more instructions from the peanut gallery....

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
sir,
How are you today andthe church?Based on the content of your mail yesterday, i thought yousaid that you would be wiring the payment out this afternoon, and thenyou would send me the payment slip.
I write to notify that i havenot received any thing from you.Is anything the matter?Please kindly letme know what is going on.
I look forward to receiving the paymentslip. Thank you and God bless all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Of course I will ignore her for a while ....

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
Howare you today?Please what is going on?
I look forward to hearing fromyou.Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs LuisaPimentel Estrada

Impatient arent we? Ok so I send her the payment information...It's fake, but I am sure it will create some great hilarity for her anyway.

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Mrs. Louis Pimento Estreata

Sister Estreata,


I am very sorry that I was not able to send out the funds as I had earlier told you I would. Unfortunately I came down with a very serious tribble infection and had to have my corn hole reamed out by several podiatrists in order to get regular again. I do have your payment information and it is attached in this letter for you. It seems that our bank would not allow the transfer of funds to your bank, due to all the 9/11 security and whatnot so we had to use Western Union to get the money to you. I am sure that this will not be a problem correct?


Here is your payment information slip.
Name of Payee: Mrs. Louis Pimento Estreata
Secret Question: Who was just baited by the church?
Answer: New baited members!
MTCN Number: 9318262251
I hope these funds find you healthy and able to collect what is rightfully yours!

May god and his great phallus keep you,

Gaylord Fagg
Acting Reverend
More to come! Gee I wonder if she will get her money?....Nah!!
Did she collect her money? hmm, what happens now?

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(ActingReverend) Sir, Thanks for your mail and i wish to thank God Almightfor healing you from that infection. I am in receipt of the paymentinformation slip and as i earlier informed you that i would like thefunds to wired into my account via Swift or Telegraphic Transfer and notvia Western Union money transfer reason is because i can not go outbecause i have been under house arrest for a very long timenow. Please, i beg you to change the receiver's name and Address sothat the funds can get to me without any problem.Below are theinformation needed for this transfer.Use these names and address for theWestern Union money transfer. 1.TORNELL JONES ADDRESS:DUBLININLAND. .......................................................................................2.MARIAM OGBONNA ADDRESS: DUBLININLAND. please use the above information to send the money viaWestern Union money transfer.Another important information is this, youhave to split the funds into two with the names above. Finally, youare advise to give me the information below once the payment ismade. A.The name of the receiver and address. B.The sender's nameand address C.The Amount. D.The control numbers(M.T.C.N) E.the testquestion and answer. Please, kindly do this for me. look forwardto receiving the Payment information from you soonest. Thank you andGod bless all. Warmest Regards Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada

So, I don't send her anything for a day or so, just to keep her anxious and cuz I was bored and never got around to her

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,

I write toknow how far you have gone with the payment. Please kindly up dateme.
Payment Slip from you soonest. Thank you and God bless all.

Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

So now I get back to her, and I am thinking:hmm, it appears that she is unable to leave her palace in the Phillipines, oh well the "church" will have to accomodate her right?

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Mrs. Lous Pimento Estreata

Sister Estreata,

It took us all of yesterday to recover the monies we sent you. Thankfully we were able to recover the funds so that they can be resent to you now. We of course would also like to send you the first installment of our seed money so that we can begin the work of building the church in your area. Would the amount of $42,800 be enough for you to pay the down payment on some piece of property for us to build a temple to the great phallus?
Here is the payment information so that you can collect the money sent to you. Due to the changing transfer rate of funds, we simply rounded up and guestimated as to how much is necessary, please let me know if we have sent you enough money.


PAYMENT 1:
RECIPIENT: MR. TORNELL JONES
ADDRESS: DUBLIN INLAND
SENDER: GAYLORD FAGG
CLEVELAND OH, USA
AMOUNT: $5,000 USD
M.T.C.N: 9325600887
TEST QUESTION: Who was just baited by the church?
ANSWER: New baited members!

PAYMENT 2:
RECIPIENT: MARIAM OGBONNA
ADDRESS: DUBLIN INLAND
SENDER: GAYLORD FAGG
CLEVELAND OH, USA
AMOUNT:  $5,000 USD
M.T.C.N: 9325600896
TEST QUESTION: What is your corn hole for?
ANSWER: To warm a willing phallus!

I hope that this information finds you healthy and happy. We at the Church of the Assimilated Virgin are praying for your sad family and hope that you are able to be a bit more comfortable now that you have the funds to release what is rightfully yours.


Please Sister Etcetera, make sure and take care of your family and don't forget to spread the great and glorious work of the great phallus and the wet gash to the world.


May the phallus keep you wet,


Gaylord Fagg
Acting Reverend

Now let's see if she can collect her money shall we? this should be tons o' fun
Yea I sent her the information and boy was she excited!!

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(ActingReverend)
Sir,
Thanks for your mail with the payment information.Maythe Almight God bless and prosper you and the whole church ofAssimilated Virgin.AS you helped and wiped away shame from my family,the Almight God will never allowed you to see shame in your life.Thenumber of your years will be like the shore of a corn.You will never diebefore your time,you will be established forever as the moon.The churchof Assimilated Virgin have brought back joy and happiness in my familyagain and i vowed never to let kingdom down.I will always live to spreadthe great and glorious work of the great phallus and the wet gash to theworld.

The Usd$42,800 will be enough for me to pay the down paymenton some piece of property for us to build a temple to the greatPhallus.But please wired the funds for the property via swift Transferor Telegraphic Transfer(TT) with the account information i have alreadyforwarded to you.As i am writing to you there are two Properties thatare available for sale and people are coming for them.I advised thatthe funds should be wired immedaietly for payment into that account igave to you before.
Looking forward to hearing from you
Thank you andGod bless us all.
Warmest Regards.
Dr.Mrs Luisa PimentelEstrada

hmmm, I wonder what will happen now? Of course I didn't respond to her idiotic preaching of the work of the Virgin, but hey...
Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
Please there is no confirmation regarding the payment you made via western union.
Thereceivers have gone to the bank to pick up the funds sent by you butthey were told by the casher that they do not have an order with theprovided information.
Please,you are advised to contact the bankwhere the funds was wired to findout if they actually transfer the fundsbecause there is no such information like the ones you forwarded in thebank.Please do the confirmation now because the funds have not beenwired.
finally, contact the bank and ask them why they have failed towired the funds and let them do the correction so that the funds can bepick up by the receivers.
i look forward to hearing from you soonest. Thank you and God bless all. Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.LuisaPimentel Estrada

so I feel bad for her and have to respond with something to calm her down right? You will notice that I sent her new numbers slightly altered, but first I let her stew a bit in the following emails.

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
How far?were you ableto find out from them and what did they say was the problem? did theyactually send the money?Please let me know immediately.
Lookingforward to hearing from you soonest.
Thank you and God bless all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada

And she sends me another one!

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
Does it that funds wasnot sent out.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada.

So now I must respond with something to make her feel better.

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Mrs. Lous Pimento Estrda

Sister Estrda,

I will contact the bank and find out why the money was not wired to you. I am sorry that I did not get back to you yesterday, I only now received your email. You see I had to perform Four Weddings and a Funeral for Five Brothers. It was a very hectic day, and I got really tired of playing the Crying Game, and had to rest after my busy day. I will contact the bank today and insure that the funds are wired out if they have not already been.
I have double checked the information I sent you and am sending it to you again to make sure that I didn't Fat Finger the information when I typed it last time. Here is the information double check it will you?


PAYMENT 1:
RECIPIENT: MR.TORNELL JONES
ADDRESS: DUBLIN INLAND
SENDER: GAYLORD FAGG
CLEVELAND OH, USA
AMOUNT:  $5,000 USD
M.T.C.N: 9325608687
TEST QUESTION: Who was just baited by the church?
ANSWER: New baited members!

PAYMENT 2:
RECIPIENT:  MARIAM OGBONNA
ADDRESS: DUBLIN INLAND
SENDER: GAYLORD FAGG
CLEVELAND OH, USA
AMOUNT: $5,000 USD
M.T.C.N: 9325660898
TEST QUESTION: What is your corn hole for?
ANSWER:To warm a willing phallus!

I believe this is the same information I sent you before, but please let me know and if I sent it to you incorrectly the first time, I apologize, this tribble infection had gotten the best of me.


May Gods Phallus keep you wet,


Gaylord Fagg
Acting Reverend

More fun on it's way!
Ahh, the saga continues

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
Pleasecontact the western union office where you sent out the funds to releasethe funds.I was informed by the receivers that the western unionrefused to released the funds to them.
Please kindly,inform themforthwith to release the funds to the receiversplease.
finally,also make sure you tell them that the funds was meantfor your church members children school fees should in case they askedyou the purpose of sending the funds out.
I am not happy with theway things are going with the funds.
I look forward to hearing from yousoonest.
Thank you and God bless all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

So I didn't respond to her, I am letting the anticipation build. She gets back to me a bit more irritated

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,
Whereyou able to contact the bank and what was there respond?Please shouldnot be quite over this matter at hand.
Thank you and God bless usall.
warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Still can't spell I see? Hmmm well should I respond? Nah, not yet

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(ActingReverend)
Sir,
Where you able to contact the bank and what was thererespond?Please should not be quite over this matter at hand.
Thankyou and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.LuisaPimentel Estrada

Ok, time to respond. Wait for the next update kiddies it will be a doosie!
So now I have to drop the other shoe on her and really start having some fun! But first I have to let her stew a bit...

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(ActingReverend)
Sir, Where you able to contact the bank and what was thererespond?Please should not be quite over this matter at hand. Thankyou and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.LuisaPimentel Estrada

Now it's time to really screw with this bitch, ready to meet someone new?

A Nigerian Scammer Joins "My Church" pt 3

Oh, yea time to bring in another player

From: Gaylord Fagg
Assistant to Rev. Harry Balls
To: Mrs. Louisa Pimental Estrada

Sister Estrada,


Firstly let me introduce myself, I amPastor in training Gaylord Fagg. I am Rev. Harry Balls' assistant andNew Membership coordinator. I want to first let you know that, as awhole we were not offended by your offer of 25%, you simply did notunderstand how our church works.


I have been instructed by Rev.Balls to begin the New Membership process with you, so that we may beable to assist you and spread the word of the Assimilated Virgin to allpeoples of the earth.
In order for us to assist you as I amsure Rev. Balls informed you, the first step is to bring yourself andyour family into our "family of the Assimilated Virgin". This doesrequire that you of course join in our faith. The process for this isvery simple, and we are sure you will be able to do this with little orno effort or hardship on your part.


First, you must send us aphoto of yourself for our new membership rolls. This of course hasalready been supplied by our brother Standingup. You needn't send usanother one, as you have ALREADY TAKEN THE FIRST STEP!Congratulations!
Second, you must sign and return the attachedmembership acceptance and enrollment form. All you need do is eitherprint sign, scan and return to us or you may also print it then fax itback to us if that would be easier for you. Please make sure that you dosign the form. Only hand signed forms will be accepted. Our fax/phonenumber is: 206-666-4930.


Once the forms have been submitted tous we can either send you the funds to release your belongings via MoneyTransfer or we can simply wire the money to a bank account of yourchoosing.


We also require that as a new member, if there is not a hall of worship where you may go and worship the Great Phallus, thatyou also stay in touch with us, so that we can begin the process offinding a suitable location to either build or purchase a building foryou and all the new members to worship in. We as a church of coursewould finance the entire project. As the first member in your area, youof course would have sole discretion over what type of building or landwould be appropriate for this. If you would like we can also sendmissionaries to you to assist you in starting this process as well.


I have at Rev. Balls' request also attached a photo of the reverendfor you as well.


I am happy to assist you, and if you needanything or have any questions, please feel free to ask. God bless yousister, and may the Great Phallus protect you.


God bless,


Gaylord Fagg
Assistant to Rev. HarryBalls

gotta keep her on her toes right? Now the photo attached was of Q from the judgment episode. I will post the enrollment agreement in a while

Attn:Rev. Harry Balls
Sir,
Thanks for all your endavours ireally appreciate it all. Sir, i accepted all what you madementioned in the mail. But could you please help me re-send all theattachments via this my alternative e-mailaddress:mrsl_estra2000@yahoo.com.au so that i can get all theattachments and complete that which you requested that i shoulddo.Please i find it difficult to get attachment from this box.
Onceagain,my family and i are highly appreciate your co-working andco-operating for us always.
And thank you again for your greatmerciful assistances .
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards

Dr.Mrs LuisaPimentel Estrada.

will she sign it?
somehow I missed an email somewhere but she requested I send the attachments again. so of course I did

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Mrs. Estradea

Mrs. Estradea,

Here are the attachments as requested. Please follow all the instructions from the previous email I sent you. I will be looking for your return email to begin the process for you.


Again our phone/fax number here at the church offices is: 206-666-4930. Please call us if you have any concerns or problems.

God bless you and may the Great Phallus keep you.

Gaylord Fagg
Asst. to Rev. Harry Balls

hmm will she sign or not?

Attn:Rev. Harry Balls Sir Please write to find out if you
received the mail i sent to you about two hours ago. Please sir, i requested
that the attachments should please resend to me so that i can complete that which i was required to do.I was not able to retrive the attachment through this box. Please i will be very much happy if
those attachments should be resent to me via this my alternative e-mail
address:mrsl_estra2002@yahoo.com.au so that i will proceed.Sorry for
the troublems. I look forward hearing from you. Thank you and God Bless us all. Warmest Regards Dr.Mrs.luisa Pimentel Estrada

and round we go

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Mrs. Louis Pimento Estradea

Sister Estrada,

I have received your email and have sent the attachments to the email
address you specified. I hope that this helps you and you are able to
complete the membership process with our church. We do look forward to
having you and your families as new members in the Great Phallus.


God bless you,

Gaylord Fagg
Asst. to Rev. Harry Balls

well I'm waiting....
Attn: Rev. Harry Balls
Sir,
Thanks for your mail and i am very sorry for replying late it was as a
result of my illness.For the past three days i have been on the sick
bed.Once again, i reallY appreciate your co-working and co-operation for
us always and thank you for your great assistances.
Sir, please do what ever you wish to do to help my family and i out.
Finally,,below is the attached Membership Agreement form for your
persual. Ilook forward to hearing from you.Thank you and God bless us all.
warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

She signed it, and here it is for your viewing pleasure, now read carefully kiddies

The Church of the Assimilated Virgin
MEMBERSHIP AGREEMENT AND ENROLLMENT FORM

Name: ____________________________

1. I _____________, Do swear to uphold the beliefs and tenets of the Church of the Assimilated Virgin. I promise to follow in the teachings and the ways of my Church Officials. I will NEVER question or doubt the leadership of the Church.

2. I _____________, Will spend every waking moment worshiping the Great Phallus, and praying that one day it may spooge its glory upon me.

3. I _____________, Give myself wholly and completely to the Great Phallus, and will never stray from its testimonial testicles. The great and heavy testimonial testicles will be my guiding rod.

4. I _____________, Shall donate my time and energy to making the Church of the Assimilated Virgin the greatest and most powerful phallus on Earth. My phallus shall be dedicated to the whims and turns of the Church.

5. I _____________, Promise to give my corn hole to all sailors and men of honor or inmates whenever they need a warm corn hole to place their phallus in.

With the above agreements and with my whole being I do declare that I wish to join the Church of the Assimilated Virgin. By agreeing to become a member of the Church I agree to follow the Assimilated Virgin in all things, and to become the best baited person that I can be, following in her wet and waiting gash of love and healthy living, as only the great phallus could provide.
______________________ _____________
Newly Baited Member Date of Baiting

So I sit on the membership agreement for a while

Attn:Rev Harry Balls
Sir,

I write to know if youhave received the mail i sent to you with the attached membershipagreement.
I look forward to your urgent reply.

Thank you and Godbless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa PimentelEstrada.

A little anxious arent' we?

Attn:Rev. Harry Balls
Sir,

Can some body tell me what is goingon.I have not heard from you since i sent the membership agreement toyou. Please sir, is anything the matter?Kindly up date me.
I lookforward hearing from you.
Thank you and God Bless us all. Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.luisa Pimentel Estrada

Still made her wait a bit, and you will soon see why

Attn:Rev. Harry Balls
Sir,

I have not heard from you since isent the membership agreement to you.Is anything the matter? Please tryto up date me.I look forward hearing from you.
Thank you and Godbless all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

ok time to let her in on a little disaster secret

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Louisa Pimento Estradea

Sisster Estreada,

I am sorry that I have not gotten back to you sooner regarding your membership agreement. It has been a very sad week for us here. You see, Rev. Harry Balls was murdered while attempting to assist some homeless people into the relocation vans, which the city uses to move the homeless to Akron. Unfortunately due to this situation, I have not had much time to handle your situation. Please forgive the delay in your assistance.


I will now review your membership agreement, and from there it should not be an issue to have the money wired to the security house and to have your monies released. I will get back to you within the next few days, with your payment information.


Now, were you interested in opening a branch of the church in your area? If so, please let us know so that we may begin the process of alocating that money as well.
Also, which bank would you like the funds wired to? or, do you prefer to use Western Union?

May the phallus bless and keep you,

Acting Rev. Gaylord Fagg.

hmm will she take the bait, and feel the pain of the church? Now she did send me the information, but I seem to have misplaced the email. Oh, well

Attn: Rev Harry Balls Sir, How areyou today, the church and the whole members? I write to know how farthings are going with te church and to ask if you have received theaccount information where the funds will be wired into via TelegraphicTransfer or Swift Transfer. Have a nice day and take very good careof your self. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you and God Bless us all. Warmest Regards Dr.Mrs.luisa PimentelEstrada

well now I just have to respond to her right?

Sister Etceteda,


The church is still recovering from Rev. Harry Ball's death. We will be back to church business as usual shortly. I know you mean well, but could you please not address you future email to Rev. Harry? He has gone to the great wet gash in the center, and so if you could please address the mail to myself that would be very appreciated.
We have received your payment information, and are in the process of disbursing the funds. We in the church are very excited to hear that you would like to open a branch chamber of the great phallus in your area. I have spoken to the testicular comittee, and they are as I write arranging for as many as 100 missionaries to travel to the Phillipines to begin the great work with you to open the church! Bless you Sister Etceteda! You will soon be in the great warmth of the Phallus I am sure!


God bless and phallically keep you,


Gaylord Fagg
Acting Reverend.

the saga continues....

Attn: Mr Gaylord Fagg(Acting Reverend)
Sir,

Thanks for yourmail and i am very sorry if i have done something wrong.Please sir, howwas the burial?Please help me tell the diseased family and the wholechurch to take heart to bear the lost of the former Rev.HarryBalls. Please sir, my family and i are suffering.Make sure you actfast to help our situation.
I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you and God bless all.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.LuisaPimentel Estrada

So I guess she took my admonition to heart huh? Yea and I will make sure and tell the "diseased" family all about it.

From: Gaylord Fagg
To: Louis Pimento Estreta


SisterEstreta,


You have not offended anyone with your emails. We allunderstand that with your limited english vocabulary, that you may havea hard time with those sorts of things.
I will be wiring the paymentout later this afternoon, and then I will send you the paymentinformation so that you may collect the funds necessary to help yourfamily out of their situation.


We do appreciate the care andheartfelt sympathies that you have sent in your emails regarding thepassing of Rev. Balls. We do appreciate you and your families prayersand love in this time of sadness for the church.

Please look forthe email with the payment information attached.


May god blessyou and his phallus keep you wet.
Gaylord Fagg
ActingReverend.

I am a Prophet! Yes, I can tell you the future!

I have been thinking about this for a while and I have come to the conclusion that if Joseph Smith and all the other whackadoo prophets out there can not only start their own religions but then prophesy about the coming days then, what the hell. I can too!

As you probably know I formed my own "church" a long time ago. It was called The Church of the Assimilated Virgin. If you are a Star Trek fan you will recognize the joke there.

Anyway, I have some prophesies that I am going to share with my "congregation" (Yes, that would be you gentle reader. Don't worry I won't ask for 10% or for you to attend any meetings etc.)

Prophesy #1 - On February 28th of this year, your phone will ring and someone will want to talk to you. Now, remember this phone call is VERY important to the person calling, so please be patient with them.

Prophesy #2 - There will be a lizard found on a beach in Mexico by a little boy named Juan. This lizard will become his pet and one day have lizard babies. This little boy named Juan will one day grow up and have a job and children and a wife.

Prophesy #3 - Airtravel will get more expensive the closer it gets to summer. Please keep this in mind while planning any vacations.

Prophesy #4 - A Republican will run against Obama in the Primary election. He will be male and a former Senator/Governor.

Prophesy #5 - Within one hour of reading this post, you WILL do something other than read it again.

Prophesy #6 - On Wednesday February 29, 2012 Faux News will spout more garbage about Democrats and politics. It will be B.S. but the 'faithful' will buy into it.

Prophesy #7 - The world will NOT end in 2012. Mark my words, 2013 will come and so will 2014! If I am wrong, Sue me! I'm good for it.

Prophesy #8 - My good friend, Mormon411 will look at porn on 3/13/12. Yes, it WILL happen.

Prophesy #9 - If you are a TBM or God Fearing Christian, you will have already determined that I am going to hell and will have decided to NEVER come to my blog again. Sadly, you will. Oh, you will.

Prophesy #10 - Pornography will still be the number 1 searched subject on the internet for all of 2012  AND Utah will still be the #1 consumer of said commodity.

Since I am confident that ALL the predictions will come true, I am now officially deeming myself a prophet and therefore should be followed as one. Unlike the other prophets out there, I am not looking for your money or your souls. Just your comments and a giggle or two.

If I can prophesy, so can you.

Give it a try, you might like it.

State funded religion? ONLY IN MISSOURI!

This is just plain scary!

Go to the third story down and you will see what I mean!

Oh wait, it's a Republican! No wonder... Now I UNDERSTAND it!

Scott Rupp a Missouri state senator wants to have the ban on state funding of religous schools lifted so that the state of Missouri will take funds for PUBLIC schools and funnel them to PRIVATE Religious schools! Including private schools that teach such fabulous ideological points of view as racism and plebiscite cannibalism!

Dude, think about this! Your children do NOT need to have funds taken away from them so that priveledged children can go to their private religious schools and learn fairy tales. Keep the money in the public schools where they NEED IT!

Way to go Missouri!

Way to go.

A Nigerian Scammer Joins "My Church" pt 2

well time to introduce someone new to the mix

Mr. Morris,

It is obvious that you do not wish to continue our business. I do not appreciate the tone of your emails and therefore do not wish to continue with you or your business. I have forwarded your information to a local church leader here that may be interested in helping Mrs. Estrada out. If she would like to contact him, he may be willing to assist her. You can contact him at .

His name is Rev. Harry Balls.

Phallically yours,

IP Standingup

Ya think she wrote him?

Attn: Rev. Harry Balls
Sir,

I am mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada, I wasasked to write you by Mr Ignacious Pantishoes Standingup who have beenin transaction with me.Which i know he might have discussed it withyou. Actually, i am not certain of why i was asked to contact you, butwithin my own cilantro knowledge i felt, its just to get blessing of Godfrom a servant of God like you. Pls sir, if there is any questionthat you feel like asking me as regards to this transaction kindly letme know.I look forward hearing from you.
Thank you and God Bless usall.
Warmest Regards

Dr.Mrs.luisa Pimentel Estrada

Of course she did! And the church is there to help her

From: Rev. Harry Balls
To: MrsLuisa Pimentel Estrada

Sister Estrada,

I am glad thatyou have written me regarding your recent transaction with my parishonerbrother Standingup. He has told me of your situation and I have a fewquestions for you. He has told me that you are under house arrest forcrimes which you did not commit? Is this true? I am truly sorry to hearof your predicament. It just saddens me a man of God to hear of one ofGod's children in such a situation.


Our church The Church ofthe Assimilated Virgin, wish to help you in your time of need. We wouldlike to extend a hand of love and friendship towards you and yourfamily, and in that way maybe to bring some peace and joy back into yourlives.


I understand that you need to release an amount of fundsthat are locked away in a security vault in Europe, is this true? Howmuch would it take for us to assist you in recovering your funds? We arenot a wealthy church, but we could see it clear to assist you with asmuch as $30,000 dollars to get your family back it's well being andsecurity. You would of course just need to reimburse us for the monieswe paid to release your funds once your have your money available toyou. We do not wish to profit from your situation, only to assist you inyour time of need.


If this is something you would like us tohelp you with, or if you wish our assistance in this matter, write backand we will go from there.


God bless us all,


Rev. HarryBalls
Head Minister

Gee is it a real church or is it memorex?

Attn:Rev Harry Balls
Sir,

Thanks for your mail and i wish to notifyyou that the content of your message has brought back life, hope, peaceand joy in my life. Based on your questions, below are the answersto your questions.

1.It is true, i am under house arrest for crimes idid not commit.

2.I have some huge amount of money to be releasedthat was deposited in a Security Company in europe on my behalf by myhusband.It will cost almost Nine thousand five hundred Euros only tocollect the consignment from the security company based on what theydiscussed with your parishoner brother, Mr Standingup.I would reimburseyou the money you paid to release the monwy from the security companyand even offer 25% of the total sum to the church once the money isavailable.

Finally, for coming to help my family and i, my prayer for you is,Rev, Harry Balls, may you and the church decrease, while theAlmight God increases in your life and in the ministry.May your life andthat of the ministry be established forever as the moon.(Amen).Lookingforward to hearing from you.

Thank you and God bless us all.
WarmestRegards

Dr.Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

and she even attempts to bribe a preist

From: Rev. Harry Balls
To: MrsLuisa Pimentel Estrada

Sister Estrada,


I am saddened tohear that you and your family have been treated so very pourly by yourown peeple. It is not right that in a christian world someone as goodand caring as yourself and your family are treated like common theivesor criminals.


I have spoken with the High Elders of the GreatPhallus, and we have all decided that the Church will be happy to assistyou in your endeavor to collect the funds that are rightfully yours. We doappreciate the offer of 25% but, honestly we cannot take money fromsomeone in your situation at this time. We would however appreciate itif in return for our help, if you would be willing to spread the workand the glory of the Assimilated Virgin throughout your country and toall of your people. To that end, and in order for us to assist you andpay the fees required to release the funds for you, we do require thatyou and your family join us in our faith and become members of TheChurch of the Assimilated Virgin.

If this would be ok with youwe can proceed with assisting you in releasing the funds your family sosorely needs. Write back as soon as you can to let me know if we aregoing to be able to assist you.


Regardless of your choice, maythe Assimilated Virgin and God and his holy phallus always bless you andkeep you.
God bless you,

Rev. Harry Balls
HeadMinister

hehe I am going to make this bitch join my church

Attn:Rev. Harry Balls
Sir,

Thanks for all your endavours.Pleaseforgive me if i have offended you by offering 25% to you.
Iaccepted everything you made mentioned.It is okay by me.Please proceedwith your assistant.Looking forward to hearing from you. Thank youand God bless us all. Warmest Regards

Dr.Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

yea she is gonna join up

A Nigerian Scammer joins "My Church" pt 1

This is quite an extensive read and story, I think though if you stick through to the end, you will not only be entertained but I hope educated as well:

My comments will be Bold and my replies to her will be in italics.

She actually JOINED my church. It's a long read, but I think worth the time.

Without Further Ado, the saga of Dr. Ms. Pimental Estrada et al.....

This one started out kinda fun, but I think you will enjoy the story

From: Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Metro-manila philippines

Dear Friend
Greetings and peace of the lord unto your household.
This letter may come to you as a surprise due to the fact that we have
not met. The message could be strange but real, if you pay some attention
to it.
I could have notified you about it at least for the sake of your
integrity. Please accept my apologies in bringing this message of
goodwill to you; I have to say that I have no intention of causing you any
pain or harm.
I am Dr Luisa Pimentel Estrada, the wife of Joseph Ejercito Estrada,former
president of Philippines. I have children with my husband Jose, Jacqueline
and Jude.Two sons and a daugther.This mail may be coming to you as a
surprise or an article but it is very real. I will want you the receiver to
read through it and think very well if you can help or render us any
assistance.

My husband Joseph Ejercito estrada was elected as the 13thPresident of
the Philippines in May 1998 by the people of Philippines due his popularity
in the film industry made him to win the largest popularity in the history
of election in Philippines.He attained the position of Senate in 1987,then
vice-president in 1992 and later become the president 1998.My husband
was made mayor of his home town, San Juan in 1969 but it was 1972 that he
had a string of public successes. My husband was named one of the ten
Outstanding Young Men in Public Administration.He was also named Most Outstanding
Mayor and Foremost Nationalist and Most Outstanding Metro Manila Mayor.My
husband is recently accused of illegally acquireing some four Billion Peso
($80M)duringh is 31 months in office as President backed up by an
uprising of mass Demonstrators and SenateTraitors.They also said that he has
skimmed off tobacco excise taxes benefitting from government business deals.Most of
them benefitted from my h!usband’s generousity when he was in office.
But they just turned around to be the ones to impeach him.I have tried
every possible means to get him out of Detention without success.The Despotic
forces in power appear bent in deriding him rubbishing his achievements while freezing all his known Bank
accounts.He has been accused of economic plunder carrying the maximum penalty of
death.To the worst of it all,all other wives of my husband especailly Guia Gomez
and some of her children born outside wed lock are testifying against
us.In conjunction with the PCGG funded by the recent President Arroyo
Macapagal Gloria. These are some of the allegations filed before my husband in the
impeachment trial;
1. Gov. Luis Singson, a longtime friend of my husband, said he
provided my husband with more than $8million in payoffs from interesting gambling and
$2.7million from tobacco taxes.

2. Witnesses testify one of an account in the Philippines third largest
bankheld millions of dollars in bribes collected by my husband. Equitable
PCI Bank President George Go resigns. The banks senior vice president,
Clarissa Ocampo,said she saw my husband sign a false name to documents
withdrawing $10 million from a secret personal account.

3.On Dec 31 Five synchronized bomb attacks kill 22 people and injure
more than 120 in Manila, days before the trial is to return from holiday recess.
Police accuse Muslimrebels but many fear the bombs may be linked to
the trial.

4.That my husband received about $8.5 million in pay-offs from interesting
gambling operators.

5.That my husband participated in a real estate business controlled by
me  and my son Jose despite a prohibition on outside business interests
while in office.

My husband is presently suffering from bronchitis and emphysema and he
is been detained at the Veterans Memorial Medical Center in Quezon City
in hospital prison outside Manila where the life of my husband is in
danger.I will let you to know that it is political motivated by Gloria
Arroyo.Meanwhile,the government has said that it may drop rebellion
charges against my husband allies Senator Juan Ponce Enrile and the former
ambassador to the United State Ernesto Maceda because they were on the
side of my husband,both men were later jailed by the government of Gloria
Arroyo that they instigated a march on the presidential palace by 50,000 supporters of my husband.These are all political. All these are done to have my husband dead. Presently life has not been easy for my
children and I,my travelling documents have been seized by the government and they restricted me and my children to have access to my husband. You will get more details on the story through this links
Haven seen the way things are going with us.He decided to let me know
that he deposited some money with security companies in Asia and Europe.He
said that he deposited the sum of Eighteen Million United states Dollars
$18,000,000 in my name (Luisa Pimentel Estrada) in Europe, the money was
deposited with a security firm that transports valuable goods and consignments through diplomatic means. He declared that the consignment was solid gold and owned by his foreign business partner. Now I have
decided to start a new life with the money.I want to invest the money outside Philippines. What I am begging you is to assist me in receiving the money on my behalf.You will have to represent me in receiving the money
from the security company.I have discussed with the security company about this arrangement is I can not leave manila for now and they assured me that the money will be released to my representative.In
this regards,I have gone to collect the documents needed from Gomez Carlos who my husband kept the
documents with.If you are willing to assist me in receiving the money. I am contacting you because I want you to go to the security company and claim the money on my behalf since I have declared that the
consignment belong to my foreign business partner. You shall also be required to assist me in investment in your country. I hope to trust you as a God fearing person who will not sit on this money when you claim it, rather assist me properly, I am willing to offer you 25% of the funds for your sincere assistance. When I receive your positive response I will let you know where the security company is . For now, let all our
communication be by e-mail because my lines are right now connected to the Philippines Telecommunication Network services. Please do send me your private telephone/ fax number so that we can have a smooth communication. Please treat this vital information with maturity and sincerity. Your due coperation in this regards, will be duely appreciated. I look forward to your urgent reply.

Thank you and God bless us all.

Warmest Regards

Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

So of course I answer, it was a creative ploy to say the least

Maam,

Thank you for your email. Iwould be interested in assisting you with your current plan. Please letme know how I can assist you and what the details of the transactionwill be. I currently do not have phone service due to the phone companyperforming maintenance on the lines in my city.

Thank you,

IP Standingup

Wow she jumped on me quick huh!!

Sir

Thanks for your mail.

Please all you have to do now is to startmaking arrangment to make a trip in Europe to represent me in receivingthe money from the security company on my behalf with the help of theDiploma.I have discussed with the security company about thisarrangement . since I have declared that the consignment belong to myforeign business partner. You shall also be required to assist me ininvestment in your country. I hope to trust you as a God fearing personwho will not sit on this money when you claim it, rather assist meproperly.

Finally, the contact of the security company and the nameof the Diploma shall be given to you as soon as i hear from you.
Yourdue coperation in this regards, will be duely appreciated. I lookforward to your urgent reply.

Thank you and God bless us all.

WarmestRegards

Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

Nb: Please kindly forwardyour private telephone numbers to me.

Well, we know whats next right?

Maam,

I would be happy to makearrangements to fly to Europe to complete the transaction. Please tellme where I need to make arrangements to fly to. As to my personal numberI am very embarrassed to say this, but the phone company was not havingproblems with my line, I am deaf and can only communicate via TextPhoneor email. If you have a TextPhone I would be happy to communicate withyou that way. Please let me know if that would work for you? I doapologize for not informing you of that earlier, but I have found thatmany people find my handicap a weakness and I did not wish to appearweak to you.

god bless,

IPStandingup

Jeez! I can't type and she doesn't even notice!

Sir,

Thanks for your mail.Below is the information of thesecurity company,Address and the Name of the Diploma for yourpersual.

1) Name of the Security Company ** P : SECURITASDIRECT

2) BranchOffice Business Address Where the Consignment is **FURTHER STR, 115--116 DUSSELDORF, GERMANY

3) Diploma/ ContactPerson ** MR TONY MORRIS

4) Title ********** LOGISTIC MANEGER

5) E-Mail: **

Please writeto them immediately since Ihave declared that the consignment belong tomy foreign businesspartner.

Finally, i shall be forwarding yourinformation to them so that they can contact and give you an appointmentwhen to be in Germany.
Your due coperation in this regards, will beduelyappreciated. I look forward to your urgent reply.

Thank you andGodbless us all.

Warmest Regards

Dr. Mrs LuisaPimentelEstrada.

Well I wonder how I should respond?

Why should Ihave to contact them? They should contact me and let me know what I needto do to get the money? You have fowarded my information to themcorrect? I would hope that you were at least competent enough to do thatright? Why do I need to contact them? Do they not have the necessaryinformation to complete the transaction and have me fly to Germany tocollect the monies? Please tell me what the hell is going on here.

thanks.

Hmm, I wonder? will she get mad at me?

Sir,

Thanks for your mail and i wish to notify you that you are right.iknow that it is not mandatory that you should contact them but thesecurity company will contact you, but i just informed you be may youhave something to ask them before you will be contacted bythem.
Please kindly forgive me if i have done somethingwrong.
Finally, you will soon hear from them.
Ilook forward to yoururgent reply.

Thank you and God bless us all.

Dr.Mrs Luisa PimentelEstrada

lol she just wants me to help her eh??

thank you for your swift reply to myquestion. That only reinforces my belief that you are an honest personand that this will go smoothly for us.

thankyou..

Well I do have to make her feel like I am interested right?

Sir,

Thanks for your mail and i wish to notify youthat the security company is asking for your full name to enable themcontact you.
Please sir, kindly forward immediately to me your fullname as been required by the security company
Ilook forward to yoururgent reply. Thank you

and God bless us all.

Dr.Mrs LuisaPimentel

Notice she FORGOT her last name lol
Now I didn't respond for a while, cuz I wanted her to stew, and whaddya know she writes again!

Sir,

Please i am still waiting to receiving your full name so that ican forward it to the security company today.
I look forward to yoururgent reply.

Thank you and God bless us.
Dr.Mrs Luisa PimentelEstrada

In comes the "security company"

P:SECURITAS DIRECT
FURTHER STR, 115
DUSSELDORF GERMANY

Dear,Mr Ignacious Pantishoes Standingup(USA)

Sir,

We write to acknwoledge a Consignment deposited in our Security Company(P.Securitas Direct)by Mr Joseph Ejercito Estrada, in the beneficiary of her wife Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada of Philipines. And we would respond herewith as follows.

(1) That Mr. Joseph. E. Estrada has a trunk boxes deposited in our security company in the Beneficiary of her wife Mrs Luisa.P. Estrada,for further clearance by Mr Ignacious Pantishoes Standingup(USA)As she wrote to us.

( 2)That his transaction script no; is referenced, No:BG/5077VGH/ETD
In line with logistics, we would require that;

(1) That You,Mr Ignacious Pantishoes Standingup(USA)whose name is labelled as the consignee Trustee presents a duly signed and stamped Power Of Attorney by Mrs Luisa .P. Estrada as he forward´s claim

( 2) That you presents an Authentic Identitiy card ,ie, Int. Passport and a Copy of Certificate of Deposite Issued by our Security Company (P.SECURITAS DIRECT)to Estrada Family.

(3) That you upon claim of this consignment, following documentation, shall pay a total sum of NINE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED EUROS (€9,500) for the diplomatic handling charges respectively as it affects Valuable delivery acts 1992 section 174 subsection 6-7 of the German Security Law.

Finally, we would advise you inform us of your travel arrangement, ie, flight schedule and date as we shall make all neccessary arrangement to pick and check you inn in a reserved hotel.This is in line with our esteeemed service of security to our numerous clients.

Thanks.
Yours Sincerely,

Tony Morris
For . P securitas
NB. Please, kindly forward to me your private telephone numbers

hmm where should I go from here? Also, didn't I tell them earlier that I don't use the phone?

Mr. Morris,

I do believe that the arrangements will be acceptable to me. I am however curious, how will I know you or someone from your firm? To that end, I need you to send me a picture of yourself holding the Password which is: "Seaman Stained Briefs". Once I receive the photo, I will inform you of my travel and lodging arrangements. I think this is more than fair, do you not agree?

Thanks bunches,

IP Standingup

Gee, I am only asking for one photo right?

P:SECURITAS DIRECT
FURTHER STR, 115
DUSSELDORF GERMANY

Dear,Mr Ignacious Pantishoes Standingup(USA)
Sir,

I am in receipt of your mail and i wish to let you know that once you notify us of your flight schedule and date we shall them let you know how you will recognized us.Please do notify us in time because you are advise to be in Germany by next week wednesday as to enable us make all neccessary arrangement to pick and check you inn in a reserved hotel.This is in line with our esteeemed service of security to our numerous clients.

Sir, you don't need to make any arrangement for your lodging arrangements that will be taking care of by us.
Finally, please you are advised to route your flight to DUSSELDORF AIRPORT GERMANY because the is the 2nd international airport in Germany and has a direct flight from USA.

We looking forward to receiving your flight Schedule soonest.

Thanks.
Yours Sincerely

Tony Morris
For.P.Securitas.

And He IGNORED MY REQUEST!! THE BASTARD!

Thank you for your email.

I am just a bit nervous about coming to Germany without knowing who or where I will be staying with. I need you to send me the picture that I asked for with the Password in the picture and then I will inform you of my travel arrangements so that we can conclude our business. If you cannot send me the picture, which is a small request, then I will simply refuse to finish our business and move on with other opportunities.
get back to me with the picture and we can conclude our business by Tuesday at the latest next week.

Thanks,

IP Standingup

So I ask for it again

P:SECURITAS DIRECT
FURTHER STR, 115
DUSSELDORF GERMANY

Dear,Mr Ignacious Pantishoes Standingup(USA)
Sir,
I am in receipt of your mail and as demanded, below is the attached picture you requested for.
Listen, When you send your ticket confirmation , we can book your hotel reservation. And on your arrival you will meet me at the airport, Holding your sign board as you have demanded this is only in the Airport.
Please , kindly send me your own picture immediately for identification.

Finally, make sure you route your flight to DUSSELDORF AIRPORT GERMANY because this is the 2nd international airport in Germany and has a direct flight from USA.
We look forward to receiving your flight Schedule soonest.

Thanks.
Yours Sincerely

Tony Morris
For.P.Securitas.

well, at the airport ok, but I want a photo, not some scanned one from a magazine. I no longer have the photo or I would post it here.

the picture does not contain the Password. I require the Password in order for me to send you the flight information so that I can make sure of whom I am doing business with. Send me the picture with the Password on a sign in with you. The Password is: "Seaman Stained Briefs"

Thanks,

IP Standingup

now they get a bit irritated with me I think

P:SECURITAS DIRECT
FURTHER STR, 115
DUSSELDORF GERMANY

Dear,Mr Ignacious Pantishoes Standingup(USA)
Sir,

Thanks for your mail.Please how do mean by Password and what does it got to do with this?Please i don't understand.Does it mean that you are not satisfied with my picture
Please kindly adhear to my directives everyother information shall be given to you as soon as we confirm your flight information.
We look forward to receiving your flight schedule soonest.

Yours Sincerely

Tony Morris

For.P.Securitas

No I wasn't lets see if I can push their buttons
here comes the good Dr again

Mr Ignacious Pantishoes Standingup
Sir,

How are youtoday?
Sir,

what is going between you and the security company?Pleasesir, do everything at your reach and power to ensure that you my familyand i to collect the consignment from the security company.As ia mwriting to you now we are passing through hell, hunger etc.
Pleasesir, kindly notify me when you will be in Germany.
Ilook forward toyour urgent reply.

Thank you and God bless us all.

Dr.Mrs LuisaPimentel Estrada

now I fire off my demand to the Security company again

I appreciate what you are saying. But, I don't think you are understanding what I mean. I need you to send me a photo BEFORE I get to Germany with the password on the sign in the photo. If you cannot do this, I will NOT fly to Germany and I will NOT take posession of the consignment. I think this is a simple request, and I am sure you will comply if you want me to finish our business. I have set aside a rather large sum of money for this trip and your fees, and I do not enjoy being taken lightly. Comply with my simple requirement and we can complete this business ASAP.

Thanks bunches,

IP Standingup

I think they are a bit confused

P:SECURITAS DIRECT
FURTHER STR, 115
DUSSELDORF GERMANY

Dear,Mr Ignacious Pantishoes Standingup(USA)
Sir,

Thanks for your mail.
Could you please show me an example of what exactly you want me to do with your picture so that i can do it for you.

Thanks.
Yours Sincerely

Tony Morris
For.P.Securitas.

you would think it was a simple request wouldnt' you?
now the Dr sends me her ID obviously fake but hey she tried right?

Attn: Mr Ignacious Pantieshoes Standingup
Sir
Thanks for your mail and as requested, attached here is my identity for
your persual.
I look forward to your urgent reply.

Thank you and Godbless us all.
Warmest Regards

Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada

watch how I respond to this one!

Ms. Estrada,

I am getting the idea that you don't want tocomplete this transaction. I don't think you are truly serious aboutdoing this, and this raises some large doubts about you and yoursituation. I ASKED YOU FOR A PHOTO OF YOU CONTAINING THE password, NOTSOME DAMN ID CARD! I expect to see the photo of you holding a sign withthe password "Seaman Stained Briefs" If your next email does not containthis photo, I will discontinue our business and you can KISS MY ASS! Itis a simple request so fulfill it MORON! I make this request because Iwant to make sure that I am truly talking to you and not some damnUgandan scammer.

Thanks Bunches,

IPStandingup

hehe, now she really is confused

Attn: Mr Ignacious Pantieshoes Standingup
Sir

Thanks foryour mail.Please i don't like the way you are talking to me.Please idon't like anything that will stress my life.Please, you can discontinuebecause i can not comply to your wish reason is because i am under housearrest but always remember that one good turn deserve another.

Thankyou and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards

Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada

so of course I don't want to give up my demands

ok,

You areunder house arrest, but have access to a computer correct? so you cantake the picture I requested or I can discontinue our business. It'sthat simple, comply or we are finished.


thanks,

IPStandingup

I think she is really upset with me now

Attn: Mr Ignacious Pantieshoes Standingup
Sir

Thanks for yourmail.Please, i can not comply and you can go ahead and discontinue ourbusiness.
Try to remember and understand that in this world that onegood turn deserve another.

Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada

A really bad attempt at a guilt trip I think
So I finally send the email again to the Security company

Mr. Morris,

What I want you to do is have a picture taken of yourself holding a sign with the phrase printed on the sign. Basically, I want you to write the phrase on a sign and then have your picture taken holding it, then send the picture to me. I hope that I have made it clear exactly what I am looking for.

thanks bunches,

IP Standingup

Now he thinks throwing an insult at me will help him out

P:SECURITAS DIRECT
FURTHER STR, 115
DUSSELDORF GERMANY

Dear,Mr Ignacious Pantishoes Standingup(USA)
Sir,

Thanks for your mail.
I do not really understand a man like you, you really sound stupid in most of emails.
Listen, if you are not ready to get this package cleared do let me know so that i will inform madam.Don't be too smart thinking you could lead me into tarnishing my image in my company and afterwards losing my busniess just to satisfy you Thanks.

Yours Sincerely

Tony Morris
For.P.Securitas.

hmm how should I respond?
Now I respond to the doctor one with a scathing email and two to introduce a new character to them

Mrs. SLUTSTRADA,

I HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE UNDER HOUSE ARREST AND THAT YOU CANNOT GET A PICTURE TAKEN! YOU CAN CONTACT A CLEARING HOUSE TO MOVE YOUR CONSIGNMENT, SEND OUT EMAIL, SCAN A COPY OF YOUR "ID" BUT YOU CANNOT TAKE A PICTURE? LOL YOU MUST THINK THAT I AM A REALLY "STUPID AMERICAN" JESUS, YOU DON'T THINK THAT THE REASON I ASKED FOR A PHOTO WAS BECAUSE THE ID YOU SENT ME WAS A COMPLETE FAKE? I AM NOT STUPID, I DO KNOW HOW PAINT SHOP WORKS KID!

SO TAKE YOUR SCAM AND FUCK OFF!! I DON'T NEED TO WASTE ANY MORE TIME ON YOU OR YOUR PRETEND CLEARING HOUSE, WHOSE IP ADDRESS IS THE SAME AS YOURS! GOD YOU MUST REALLY THINK THAT WE ARE ALL STUPID HERE. I AM GLAD I WASTED YOUR STINKY CUNTS TIME AND HOPE THAT YOU CAN SUCK MY COCK IN THE AFTERLIFE YOU USELESS PIECE OF DONKEY MINGE! FUCK OFF AND DIE, JUST FUCK OFF!!

FUCK OFF FOREVER!

IP STANDINGUP

lol now that should get her goat eh?
and of course I have to send another email to the company as well

Mr Curtis,

I have decided if you cannot provide some simple proof of whom you are then, I will not be doing business with you. It sounds to me like you are not truly interested in completing this transaction. I could be on a flight to Germany tonight to collect the consignment, but you are not willing to comply with one simple request! Send me the picture, or do not contact me again. I am a very busy person and don't have time for your bullshit! Obviously, you don't want my $9,500 very much do you?? so if I don't see the picture fuck OFF!!

Phallically yours,

IP Standingup

you would think they would get a hint right?

P:SECURITAS DIRECT
FURTHER STR, 115
DUSSELDORF GERMANY

Dear,Mr Ignacious Pantishoes Standingup(USA)
Sir,

Thanks for your mail. Obviously,we are not after your money.What we are after is to know if you were one of the spies madam is talking about.Please, you can call off the transaction if you are not ready to adhear to our directives.We tell you what to do and not you telling us what to do.

Thanks.

Yours Sincerely

Tony Morris
For.P.Securitas.

Everyone should be able to use birth control

You know what?

Normally I don't like Obama, personally I absolutely do not like his fiscal approach to our country. You must understand when it comes to politics, I am Fiscally Conservative and Socially Liberal. I guess that makes me a libertarian since I don't want goverment intrusion into my life but I do like the idea of there being a military etc.

I have been reading tons of articles lately regarding the new healthcare plan requiring ALL medical organizations to pay for birth control, this is a good thing. Sadly, the religious right and of course the idiot republicans can't leave anything alone. So, what do they do? Protest it!

Yes, let's protest responsible reproduction. Let's protest logical family planning. Let's protest lower population (we are getting overcrowded as it is), hell let's protest lower welfare roles since birth control could be MORE accessible to everyone!

Seems stupid to me. If you want to not use birth control, don't use it. I for one find the option of my insurance paying for it a GOOD THING.

Matter of fact, because I can't stand the religious right and their idiocy, I think I will be voting independant again!

Religion does NOT belong in politics

The major religious groups have finally done something RIGHT! Yes, I said it. Religious groups are doing something right. On Tuesday, the Anti-Defamation League, the Baptist Joint Committee for Religious Liberty and the Interfaith Alliance released a "Statement of Principles" regarding religion in political campaigns.

In this statement they warn that: "there is a point when an emphasis on religion becomes inappropriate and even unsettling in a religiously diverse society such as ours" THANK YOU! It's about time that everyone realized that RELIGION DOES NOT BELONG IN POLITICS!

This statement asks political candidates to:

•Attempt to fulfill the promise of America by seeking to serve and be responsive to the full range of constituents, irrespective of their religion.


•Conduct their campaigns without appeals, overt or implicit, for support based upon religion.

•Reject appeals or messages to voters that reflect religious prejudice, bias, or stereotyping.

•Engage in vigorous debate on important and disputed issues, without deliberately encouraging division in the electorate along religious lines, or between voters who characterize themselves as religious and voters who do not.
 
J. Brent Walker, executive director of the Baptist Joint Committee for Religious Liberty in a statement said: "Candidates do not have to check their religion at the door of the offices they seek. But they need to understand that they serve people of other faiths and of no faith. Resorting to religious language that sets people of faith against each other harms political discourse and sows religious discord."
 
This is great, finally even religious groups are starting to see that EVERYONE should be included in politics, not just the 'fringe religious groups' that the candidates are trying to get votes from.
 
Please, let your candidates know that RELIGION DOES NOT BELONG IN POLITICS. Religion if you choose to have one, belongs AT HOME.
 
The statement was signed by the following religious groups:
 
was signed by: the American Islamic Congress; American Jewish Committee; Anti-Defamation League; Baptist Joint Committee for Religious Liberty; Interfaith Alliance; Islamic Society of North America; Hindu American Foundation; Muslim Advocates; National Council of Churches USA; Sikh American Legal Defense and Education Fund; Sikh Coalition; Union for Reform Judaism; The United Methodist Church General Board of Church and Society; and the United Church of Christ Justice and Witness Ministries.
 
Although I do NOT subscribe to any of their beliefs, I will hold up my hands and cheer for these folks. Thank you for displaying some logic, intelligence and good common sense!
 
Thank you.

The ACLJ is asking for you MONEY!

The ACLJ (American Center for Law and Justice),

A supposed group whose mission statement is: " ACLJ focuses on constitutional and human rights law worldwide. Based in Washington, D.C., with affiliated offices in Israel, Russia, Kenya, France, Pakistan, and Zimbabwe, the ACLJ is pro-life and dedicated to the ideal that religious freedom and freedom of speech are inalienable, God-given rights for all people. The ACLJ engages legal, legislative, and cultural issues by implementing an effective strategy of advocacy, education, and litigation that includes representing clients before the Supreme Court of the United States and international tribunals around the globe."

Really what they are doing is performing a "money grab" for Jay Sekulow their lead council. The purport to help anyone that is experiencing "religious persecution" or is having their rights to religion impinged. Really, what they are doing is defending the rights of ONLY Evangelical Christians. Take the recent case in Hawaii where a Santoria church was barred from practicing their religion. Did the ACLJ jump in to help? NO! The Catholics, The Mormons and the ACLU jumped in and helped them since they saw this as impinging on EVERYONES Freedom of expression.

Where was the ACLJ? Nowhere, why? Because it wasn't a CHRISTIAN case! That's right people, if you aren't evangelical, don't bother contacting them, they aren't there for you, eventhough they CLAIM they are!

This isn't the big issue I have with them. The issue I have is this:

On their current radio and TV broadcasts they are asking their listeners to "sign a petition to save Pastor Yousef in Iran". When you call to sign their "petition" they ask you to donate $100 or more to help them in this fight. Now, we all know that Iran is NOT going to listen to a group of Evangelical crackpots and back off of executing ONE man in Iran! ACLJ is promising a "strongly worded letter" to Secretary of State Clinton urging her to pressure Iran to stop the execution. Guess what? If Iran won't stop building nuclear weapons, are they going to worry about a letter to Clinton? NO!

Save your money, feed your children and tell ACLJ and Jay Sekulow to Fuck off!

He doesn't need another house. (he has 3)

He doesn't need another car (he has several)

He already has a private plane.

He doesn't need to line his pool with gold.

He doesn't need your $$ to send a letter, he has enough for a fucking stamp!

Enough with the money grab already.

Matter of fact, call them and tell them how you FEEL! Go to the link at the top, and call their 800 number and let them know how you feel. Let them know they CANT have your money!

Greedy religion at it again!

You MUST learn about religion in SCHOOL!

This is more than sad. You can read the full article here:

After reading the article, I am glad I'm not raising my son in Canada. It's bad enough here that Faux News spouts the garbage they do and the 'Mormon Establishment' in Utah pushes their beliefs onto my son at school as it is. But in Canda they are now FORCING all children to learn about various religions in SCHOOL.

You can't opt out and have your children not be forced to be exposed the fairy tales that religion espouses. In the case in the article it's a Catholic family that didn't want their children forced to learn about other religions.

What about Atheist families? If we live in Canada we are now forced to have our children learning about religion in school? Last I checked, schools didn't force children to take a Grimms Fairy Tale course. Or a Let's learn about Santa, The Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy class. Why the forcing of religion down the throats of Canadian Children? If I were Canadian I would be looking to move somewhere, anywhere that didn't force my children to learn these often mind numbing and potentially damaging philosophies.

If you are going to force children to learn something make it, oh I don't know... SCIENCE or LOGIC or HISTORY. But Religion, if you want to lie and decieve your children, do it on your own damn time Canda, Don't do it on your childrens own preciously limited educational time.

The end of church?

It appears that more and more people in America are not going to church. Over the last few decades more and more people consider themselves "Non-Religious" as being religious is now considered a negative thing. People are leaving organized relgion in droves. More than 45% of people that only a decade ago considered themselves 'religious' now no longer do.

This is progress I say.

Progress.

Now, only if they could find the logic and reason to walk away from it 100% the world would be a much better place with less war, less genocide and less overall stupidity.

Mormonism Not a Cult?

This is what passes for 'proof' that Mormonism isn't a cult in Austrailia:

I am going to quote pieces and then post my responses. My responses will be italisized.

THE Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) is not a cult but a recognised religion with more than 14 million members.

Incorrect! The church 'claims' 14 million members. More than 60% of that number are inactive or no longer attending Mormons. For example, there are large numbers of 'members' that are listed on the church roles, but haven't attended or 'paid tithes' in generations. They for whatever reason are either intimidated (job, family etc.) into staying 'members' or just haven't felt the need to actually have themselves removed from the roles of membership. ALSO, the Church claims ALL people babtized posthumously as 'members'. Not a real accurate accounting there.

 It is not "an 18th century religious scam" but the result of the answer from God to a sincere prayer.

Again Incorrect! Joseph Smith was CONVICTED of "glass looking" (looking for buried treasure in the ground through a 'glass') when no treasure was ever found, he would claim that it "slipped away". The folks he scammed were quite justifiably irritated. Incidentally, the same 'glass' he used to look for buried treasure is the same 'glass' he used to 'translate' the BOM. Yes, folks the Urum and Thumum! Also, the BOM was first published as FICTION and when Joseph Smith FAILED to sell it "by Joseph Smith" he concocted the "religion" of Mormonism to 'sell his book'.

The church did not forbid African Americans from joining, although for a time African Americans were not able to receive the priesthood.

Partially true. The churh did not forbid African Americans from joining, it did however, forbid them from holding the priesthood or leadership roles in the church until the 1970's when the church was pressured by the US Govt. to change it's policies or LOSE it's Non-Profit status. African Americans were ONLY allowed to hold the priesthood for economic reasons INSIDE the church, NOT because God "felt that they were ready" etc. but so that the church could continue to draw MILLIONS in profits from it's followers and PAY nothing in taxes etc.

Matter of fact, in the first edition of the Journals of Discourses, then president Brigham Young stated that: "No Negroe shall ever hold the priesthood in Gods restored kingdom". Really brother Brigham? Really? Hmm. Guess God changed his mind, he does need that $$ afterall.

Isn't it great how this passes for 'proof' that mormonism isn't a cult?

Let's list some definitions of a cult and see if the LDS Church isn't one? The checklist I am using can be found here:

The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader and (whether he is alive or dead) regards his belief system, ideology, and practices as the Truth, as law.

Check!

Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.

Check! Try questioning the Church with a member and see what happens.

Mind-altering practices (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, and debilitating work routines) are used in excess and serve to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s).


Ever go to Sacrament meeting? Ever have to do your "volunteer work"? How about the 'sessions' in the Temple? .... CHECK!

The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel (for example, members must get permission to date, change jobs, marry—or leaders prescribe what types of clothes to wear, where to live, whether or not to have children, how to discipline children, and so forth).


Let's see... WOW, General Conference (earrings prophesy) Every meeting you attend as a Mormon? CHECK!

The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s) and members (for example, the leader is considered the Messiah, a special being, an avatar—or the group and/or the leader is on a special mission to save humanity).

Know what? I don't even have to say anything here. If you know anything about the Church, this one sticks out like a sore thumb! CHECK!

 The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which may cause conflict with the wider society.

Just read the post above again and see if you don't see it for yourself?

The leader is not accountable to any authorities (unlike, for example, teachers, military commanders or ministers, priests, monks, and rabbis of mainstream religious denominations).

Joseph Smith, Brigham Young? Ummm. CHECK!

The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify whatever means it deems necessary. This may result in members' participating in behaviors or activities they would have considered reprehensible or unethical before joining the group (for example, lying to family or friends, or collecting money for bogus charities).

Mountain Meadows Massacre anyone? Bishops interviews? Fast offerings? CHECK!

The leadership induces feelings of shame and/or guilt iin order to influence and/or control members. Often, this is done through peer pressure and subtle forms of persuasion.

If you were ever Mormon you know this one ALL TOO WELL. The entire life of a 'member' is built on guilt and peer pressure. As a Mormon, you do EVERYTHING possible to appear the way you are told to, to the members and your Bishop.

Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with family and friends, and radically alter the personal goals and activities they had before joining the group.

If you are a member, leave the church and tell your family you are doing so and see what happens. You will find yourself ostrasized and left out. I KNOW I have done this and many other former mormons have done this.

The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.

Missionaries? Every Sunday you hear about how "every member is a missionary" and consistently you are told to go out and find new members to bring into the church.

The group is preoccupied with making money.

This one is obvious. Just try NOT paying your tithing and see what happens with the Bishop. You will LOSE your Temple Rights and of course be called into the Bishop's office to discuss YOUR personal financial situation with someone that just wants your 10%. My own sister in law was told to pay her tithing EVEN though that would cause her to get BEHIND on her mortgage. The church would rather it's members were homeless than lose 10% from one member!

Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group and group-related activities.


Oh, it's all 'volunteer' work but you will be expected to spend the bulk of your free time NOT with your family but doing 'work' for the church!

Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.


This is true, UNLESS you are out proselyting for new members, then it is acceptable.

The most loyal members (the “true believers”) feel there can be no life outside the context of the group. They believe there is no other way to be, and often fear reprisals to themselves or others if they leave (or even consider leaving) the group.


Again, try leaving and see what happens. I have known people that when they left the church, lost their jobs, their homes and in several cases their spouses and children to the CHURCH.

By my count, it SURE looks like the Mormon Church qualifies as a cult! If you can disprove this, please feel free to. IF you agree with me, feel free to repost this EVERYWHERE. (A little credit would be nice though).

We all need to fight to expose this cult for what it is. A family ruining, money sucking group of fakes and frauds stealing from hard working people the world over. Expose them for what they are!

If you are considering joining them, DON'T do it. Stay away, you will be happier in the long run.

Evolution is a fairy tale?

Ladies and Gentlemen, the IDIOT Ray Comfort is at it again. You can read the article here.

This time he is attempting to attack Evolution as a fairy tale? Hmmm. I'm not an Evolutionary Scientist by any means so I am not going to try pretend to be one. It's interesting that he is saying that churches that are CHOOSING to celebrate "Evolution Week" should also have a "Cinderella Sunday" since they are celebrating 'fairy tales'.

Now THAT is ironic! I thought religion in general was about fairy tales. I thought every Sunday was a "Cinderella Sunday". Was I wrong? Don't people of all faiths celebrate their fantasies every Sunday?

“The only thing scientific about the theory of evolution is that it is science fiction,” said Ray Comfort. Really? Really? So all the decades of research and PROOF are for naught? The FACT that we can see evolution from one generation to the next in all sorts of organisms from the smallest bacteria to apes and let's not forget HUMANS! For example, it is undisputed fact that all human life came from the African continent some millions of years ago, yet there are diverse groups (races) of individual HUMANS all over the planet that have EVOLVED to have different traits from facial structure to skin pigmentation. How do you discredit this PROOF of evolution Ray? I will tell you how, by going to the most fantastic novel ever written and quoting it! Tower of Babel anyone? His ONLY proof to discredit this is an obscure story of people building a tower to heaven, a tower that archeology CANNOT find anywhere on the planet. A tower that would have been so incredibly tall that there would have to have been SOME remnants of it somewhere, but alas, NOTHING.

“The institutions that embrace the theory of evolution need to come out of the closet and stop pretending to be Christian. Either we believe Jesus when He said, ‘In the beginning God created male and female’ or we don’t. Biblical truth and the fairytale of evolution are incompatible,” Comfort said.

Given that the Bible was WRITTEN some 3,000 years ago and BORROWS many of the stories of creation etc. from the Mesopotamian cultures as well as Egyptian mythos, how is THAT fact? It's NOT Ray. Prove me wrong. The Mesopotamian culture wrote of creation LONG BEFORE the Christian Bible was even a thought! How can the Bible be factual yet you would have us believe that cultures that had the SAME stories PRIOR to the Bible's existence are false? Ray, WAKE up! You are an IDIOT!

“In recent years biologists have deliberately distanced themselves from that phrase and instead used ‘natural selection,’ because ‘survival of the fittest’ is easily linked to Hitler’s killing of the weak and letting the strongest survive. Atheism almost always embraces Darwinian evolution, which would have people believe that they are merely animals, and that there are no moral absolutes. I have been going to universities and challenging students to convince me that evolution has a scientific basis. No one can offer any proof, because Darwin’s evolution is scientifically baseless. All they have are theories that have to be received in blind faith,” he said.

So Ray is going to Universities and challenging the Students? What about the Professors? Oh, Wait! He wouldn't do THAT because a Professor of science WOULD discredit him and PROVE him to be the MORON that he is. He asks you to PROVE to him scientifically that Evolution makes sense, but then when YOU ask him to prove that God exists, he ASKS you to take it on "blind faith" his words, Not mine!

Hey Ray, you can't have it both ways.

I am issuing an OPEN CHALLENGE to Ray Comfort:

Come to my blog, post your thoughts and let me prove you wrong! I'm not an evolutionary scientist. I'm just a blogger! Oh, and I'm an Atheist. I would bet you that I don't hear from Ray, know why? He's chicken and doesn't have the BALLS to challenge me. Hell, I would be willing to be on his stupid little scare tactics show and be interviewed.

He won't though. I am sure of it.

Hey Ray. I dare you!