Last night, I was cuddling up on the couch with my wife to enjoy some prime time T.V. ( She is a huge NCIS fan). Just as the show was getting started, someone knocks on the door. Wouldn't you know it? It was the Missionaries! It seems some busy body (either my parents or hers) "sent them to check on us" I am guessing it was her father as he is the same guy that keeps telling every ward we move into where we live and all our contact information.
Being polite we let them come in, of course we kept the conversation away from anything to do with religion as much as possible. I really didn't feel like getting into a debate with two 19 year old kids that know NOTHING other than what they are taught at the MTC. I knew that conversation would have been completely fruitless and at best they would have left baffled, more than likely they would have left with "strengthened testimonies" since they would have survived an "encounter with an apostate".
We really tried hard to simply let them know that we are fine, have no issues and don't need any assistance from the Church, the missionaries and don't want to be 'fellow shipped back into the church'. They of course asked the obligatory questions about us: were we members, how long etc. they also asked if my son was baptized etc. I explained to them that No he wasn't baptized, blessed or ordained to any kind of priesthood calling (he's 12). the reasons for this are simple, I refuse to force my kid into mandatory membership in a church I not only disbelieve but vehemently oppose. I want him to make his own educated decisions when he is OLD enough to make that decision for himself. I then got the laugh of the evening -- They ASKED him how he felt about God. -- Let me paint this picture for you: he is in the kitchen playing a game on my laptop and the missionaries ask him "How do you feel about God?". Without missing a beat, my son shouts over his shoulder "God? Don't believe in fantasies" then goes back to his game. The shocked look on the missionaries faces was priceless, if I had a camera I would have taken a picture and posted it here. Their only response to him was "WHAA? but look at the computer you are sitting in front of." -- I know I was confused by this response too.
They then turned to me and asked me the same question. I looked at them straight faced and simply said, " Really, let's not go there. You don't want to start that debate right now." My wife started laughing and told the missionaries "He has made bishops question their faith, don't go there with him." the missionaries just sat there for a minute or so not saying anything. After a few seconds of dead silence one missionary looked at the clock on the living room wall and said " We better get going, curfew is almost up for us." They then stood up, shook hands with me and left.
It took a damn hour for them to leave, not that I was offended by their arrival, just annoyed. The bonus was, I have a DVR so my wife didn't have to miss her show. Well that and my son got to shock a missionary. Not a totally wasted evening, just an evening interrupted.
I do wonder though, how will they report this encounter to their mission president? Will it be, "former members, need no help" or will they tell the story of the encounter?
Sometime this year, my wife and I are going to request our names be removed from the membership roles. When that happens, I am expecting many more visits from missionaries, bishops etc.
When I do, I will let ya'll read that too.