Mrs. Estrada,
Ref: 06098419004194
We are very aware that Dusseldorf Airport is an International Airport direct from America. The reason that our courier is flying into Berlin is that he/she is coming to Germany via the UK and then Amsterdam as they have other deliveries/duties as well as yours.
It seems odd that you would worry about how far the courier has to drive to deliver to your designated "Criminal Compensation Agent", as the courier was instructed to deliver directly to your agent.
There has been a change in the delivery schedule that I must inform you of as well. Due to the recent changes to security procedures throughout the world after the recent terrorist activity, and also due to the large amount of currency that is being delivered to your agent we have had to use a US Diplomatic courier to effect the transport of the funds to your agent. Because of this change in security measures, the agent will not be personally delivering the currency to your agent. Your agent will have to collect the currency from the US Mission in Dusseldorf. I have been informed that the funds will be at the US Mission awaiting your agents retrieval no later than Monday morning.
Your agent will need the following information and documents in order to retrieve the delivery.
NAME: Ms. Andrea Beck
HER INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT: For ID verification
THE CASE NUMBER: 06098419004194
A Letter from you stating that she is your agent and is able to collect the Criminal Compensation due you. I have included the letter for you as well: ______________________________________________________________
Attn: U.S. Consul General George Knowles
My name is Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentel Estrada,
I am authorizing Ms. Andrea Beck of Gitschiner Str, 28 47053 Duisberg Germany to collect my Criminal Compensation, that I have most honestly earned and with all honesty and integrity believe that I deserve. I have through my efforts with the Church of the Assimilated Virgin been able to have them disburse to me a sum of $48,400 US Dollars.
The case number is: 06098419004194. I would like to receive exactly what is coming to me via my agent Ms. Andrea Beck. Ms. Beck also is here with all necessary identification to prove her identity and to prove that she is duly able to be Criminally Compensated on my behalf. I have been less than dishonest in all of my transactions with The Church of the Assimilated Virgin as well as the head investigator of the Criminal Compensation Division of the Springfield Police Department, Mr. Apu Nahasapimapetilan and his superior Chief Charlie Wiggum.
Please compensate myself and my agent as we deserve.
Thank you,
SIGN YOUR NAME HERE
Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentel Estrada
____________________________________________________________________
I am glad we were able to assist you in getting your Criminal Compensation, and I am sure that you are happy that our business has been concluded. If there are any questions or problems you may have, please let me know.
Thank you,
Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)
Gee I wonder what she will say now? I mean the money is in Germany right?
So she goes whining to Tits, and of course I ignore her for a few days
Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)
How areyou today? Why are you keeping me quite?Sir, don't you think that youare supposed to be directing me on what to do as a new member? You leftme all alone. I have done everything i was asked to do and still yeti don't know when the funds will be delivered to my agent. I lookforward to your urgent reply. Thank you and God bless usall. Warmest Regards Dr. Mrs. Luisa PimentelEstrada.
you know her crap would be easier to understand if she could type and format a damn email better than this! but like a good elder I respond
From: H.P.E. Tits Mcghee
To: Dr.Mrs. Louis Pimentel Esstrada
Sister Estrada,
I was not aware that you needed guidance. I and the elders here at The Church of the Assimilated Virgin assumed that once this was resolved for you, you would contact us for direction and we would go from there. I do recall asking you when you would like the missionaries to arrive in your area to begin the building of the "Great Phallus".
I understand that your vage is wet and waiting for the Church to give you all the direction you need in your life. If you remember from your membership agreement, have you been offering your corn hole to all men in need of one?
Have you been worshipping the Great Phallus daily? On your knees in penetance and servitude to the Great Phallus and its spray of glory from the hole in which it is placed?
Have you sung the praises to everyone you meet of the great glory hole?
Are you spreading the cheeks of those that have not heard the word of the Great Phallus and inserted the truth into their lives?
If you are doing these things, you are already doing everything that we ask of our members. If you are not, then you have now received your direction from me at this time. You are going to be a great member of our faith, I am sure you will spread the cheeks of many a new member and will offer your corn hole to all men in need of a warm corn hole.
As to the funds you asked about, Chief Wiggum has informed me that the money has been taken by courier as his head auditor informed you. It is simply a matter of your agent collecting the funds on Monday.
May the Great Phallus protect you and keep you wet.
Tits Mcghee
High Phallic Elder
Now, back to Apu and the conversation going on that end
Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194
Since you have decided not to talk to me, well there is no problem. I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada
Not sure what she means here, but then again it's not like english is her strong suit as you have already seen.
Mrs. Estrada,
Ref: 06098419004194
Not sure what you mean. I have sent you the necessary information to complete this case.
Thank you,
Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)
I also send ANOTHER copy of the email with the letter for the Consul General in Dusseldorf. I can't wait for the hilarity to ensue. She doesn't even flinch at "picking up the funds"
Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.
Thanks for your mail and i wish to notify you that i am very much happy.Once again thank you very much.
Please kindly me the address of the US mission and the name of the person my agent is going to meet on monday. Finally, this US Mission,is that a church?
I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada
So, of course I oblige her and send the info right?
Mrs. Estrada,
Ref: 06098419004194
The address is: Willi - Becker - Allee 10 40227 Düsseldorf. The person you will need to speak with is: U.S. Consul General George Knowles.
You will need to bring the signed copy of the letter I sent to you in order for them to verify that your agent is the person to pick up your funds. As well as her International passport and other documents as directed. I am sure that the people at the US Mission will be very happy to see your agent and to give her exactly what is coming to her and yourself.
Thank you,
Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)
Then as myself, I send another email to someone who should know what is happening, namely the US Embassy.
Hello,
My name is [censored], I am a US citizen living in [censored location].
I am not sure who to contact about this, but I have been receiving email from a person posing as Dr. Louisa Pimentel Estrada of the Philippines. She has asked me to send her $48,400 to rescue monies that have been held “hostage” in Germany. I know that this is a scam, and have sent her to the Embassy in Düsseldorf to collect the funds. If you would like since she is committing a major crime here, for me to send you copies of all the email transactions with her, I would be happy to do so. I would venture a guess that I am not the first person she has contacted regarding this scam. I think this would be a perfect opportunity for the US to capture and prosecute one of these scammers. I have sent a letter to her that she will be bringing to the Embassy demanding the funds; essentially it is a confession of her crime as well.
Please let me know if this is possible. You can also contact me by telephone at 999-999-9999 as well.
Thanks,
[censored]
[censored email address]
Gee whiz I hope she is gonna be ok
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