From: High Phallic Elder Tits Mcghee
To: Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentel Estrada
Sister Estrada,
I am truly sorry to have been delayed in returning your emails regarding the disposition of your funds. I believe there is some explaining that needs to happen at this point. First of all, let me explain the history of this transaction as you may not be aware of everything that has occurred.
First, Acting Rev. Gaylord Fagg has been arrested and charged with 200 felony counts of theft and embezzlement. It seems that he was not sending the funds to all the needy people as he was tasked with doing, instead he was funnelling the money to a Cayman Island account in his name. This was discovered by the Church in part due to your emails and diligence in making sure that the monies were delivered to you as we had promised you.
I must apologize to you, we should have never allowed a person that was in our "Reform the Felons and Sex Offenders" program to handle such delicate and important transactions as yours. This I assure you has been corrected. In the future we will in the future have these sorts of transaction handled by our trustworthy and professional staff.
Because we have had to have Gaylord Fagg arrested and prosecuted, we had to recover all of the stolen funds from his accounts, in order to do this we had to turn over all fiduciary duties to the Springfield City Police Department. Specifically Chief Charlie Wiggum will be handling all cases of reimbursement and disbursement of funds to those with valid and verifiable claims to the funds. Currently we have approximately $12 million dollars that are awaiting disbursement.
What you will need to do is this: You will need to contact Chief Wiggum with the case number which is: 06098419004194. This will allow him to know that you at least have a valid claim to the funds that should be disbursed to you. You will need to let him know how much of the $12 million is yours so that he can transfer the funds to you. Unfortunately we do not have an exact record of the funds due you because Rev. Fagg destroyed the records of your transaction with him. You will need to provide Chief Wiggum with the amount of the fund that is yours.
You can contact Chief Wiggum or his assistant Detective Apu Nahasapimapetilan at this email address. Unfortunately, they are not able to make international telephone calls as they are after all on a city budget. Their email address is: . Please contact Chief Wiggum at your earliest convienience and I am sure he will be more than happy to assist you with obtaining the funds that are rightfully yours.
Again, I am very sorry that these events had to happen to such a kind, caring and obviously needy family such as yours.
May the Phallus guide you and keep you wet,
Tits Mcghee
High Phallic Elder
Let's see how she responds to this one....
Attn: Tits Mcghee(HighPhallic Elder)
Sir,
Thanks for your mail and i am sorry for allthese. In the first place who is this man Chief Charlie Wiggum becausei need to who he is before i will contact him. Ilook forward tohearing from you soonest.Thank you and God bless us all.
WarmestRegards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada.
Seems a bit nervous don't she? I wonder do you think she likes cops?
From: Tits Mcghee High Phallic Elder
To: Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentel Estrada
Sister Estrada,
There is no need to apologize, it was thanks to your diligence that we came to the knowledge that Rev. Fagg was stealing from the church.
You will be blessed by the Great Phallus, and always wet because of your diligence in this matter.
As to the identity of Chief Charlie Wiggum. He is the Detective assigned to the investigation of the theft case against Rev. Fagg. As I said in my previous email you will need to contact him to resolve the matter of your case and to collect the funds due you. Again the case number is: 06098419004194 for your reference. Please just refer to the case number in your email and let him know that you need to resolve your claim with the Church.
May the Great Phallus keep you wet,
Tits Mcghee
High Phallic Elder
I hope I have soothed her nerves and she goes for the bait, and of course she does, lets all welcome Chief Charlie Wiggum to the fold!
Attn: Mr Tits Mcghee(High Phallic Elder)
Sir,
Below is the copyof the message sent to :Chief Charlie Wiggum for yourpersual.
..............................................
Attn:Chief Charlie Wiggum
Sir
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS06098419004194.
I am Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada. I wasdirected to contact you by MrTits Mcghee High Phallic Elder of theChurch of the Assimilated Virgin.I write to let you know that ineed to resolve my claim with the church with the total sum ofUSD$58,400.
Sir, i also wish to let you know that the abovementioned funds have been approved to release to me for a very longtime now even before the death of late Rev,Harry Balls.
Finally,i will be very much happier if you would kindly released the saidapproved sum of money to me. As you do this, may the God of the churchof the Assimilated Virgin bless you and your family.
I lookforward to hearing from you soonest.Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada.
I think I will let her stew for a day and see where things can go from here, stay tuned kiddies this is gonna be fun!
the silly fool sends another note to Tots Mcghee to see where she should go...
Attn: Mr Tits Mcghee(High Phallic Elder)
Sir,
Below is the copyof the message sent to :Chief Charlie Wiggum for yourpersual. ...............................................
Attn:Chief Charlie Wiggum
Sir
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS06098419004194.
I am Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada. I wasdirected to contact you by MrTits Mcghee High Phallic Elder of theChurch of the Assimilated Virgin.I write to let you know that ineed to resolve my claim with the church with the total sum ofUSD$58,400.
Sir, i also wish to let you know that the abovementioned funds have been approved to release to me for a very longtime now even before the death of late Rev,Harry Balls.
Finally,i will be very much happier if you would kindly released the saidapproved sum of money to me. As you do this, may the God of the churchof the Assimilated Virgin bless you and your family.
I lookforward to hearing from you soonest.Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa PimentelEstrada.
So I don't respond to this email, as it is really unneccesary, she then sends me the email that started all this to get my opinion on it.
Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)
Sir,
How are you today?
I have writeen to Chief CharlieWiggum and i told him that my money is Usd$58,400.Actually, my own moneythere is usd$10,000 and the remaining usd$48,400 was meant for the newpiece of land Rev GayLord Fagg told me that he would send the money toacquired a piece of land where the church of the Assimilated Virginwill be established in my area..please sir, i would like you to help meout in collect the money because most of the information required, iwill not be able to forward it to him.Like that of my internationalpassport and my phone would not be given to him because all my traveldocuments are been confiscated by the government of Philippines theexcept my identity card which i will be to forward to him below is mystory.Go through it and see how you are going to help me so that mypeople will be not know.
I didn't include the email again, as it is long and rather boring B.S.
Attn: Tits Mcghee(High Phallic Elder)
Sir,
Please i need your advisebased on the mail i sent to you.
Thank you and God bless us all.
WarmestRegards,
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada.
I still have not replied to her, mostly to annoy her, but also because I was busy with work and stuff
From: H.P.E. Tits Mcghee
To: Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentel Estrada
Sister Estrada,
I am very saddened to hear that you are having such a tough time with providing the information that the Police are requiring to release the funds to you.
I will do what I can within my power as HPE of the Church to assist you in your efforts. I have spoken with Chief Wiggum and requested that he be lenient in his requirements with you. He informed me that he would be willing to accept your ID card that you stated you had as proof of your identity. He informed me that you will need to contact him with your letter filled in the information to the best of your ability.
He has assured me that as long as you do your best to cooperate with them, they will be happy to get you taken care of in a timely and efficient manner. As only police are want to do.
I hope that this has assisted you.
May the Great Phallus keep you wet,
Tits Mcghee
High Phallic Elder
gee, I hope this helps her, Enter Chief Wiggum again, I am also posting her obviously FAKE ID as well...
Attn:Chief Charlie Wiggum
Sir
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.
Below are the information
Name:Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada.
Address: Manila- Philippine
My phone number-Not available
Date of Birth -2nd july,1961.
Dear Mr. Wiggum.
Sir,
C.R.A.B.Refference Number:Ref:06098419004194.
This letter is to certify that i am the above named person and i am entitled to a donation payment, authorised by H.P.E. Tits Mcghee of the Church of the Assimilated Virgin.The total payment i am entitled to is US$10,000 Plus Us$48,400 for the payment of some piece of land where we can start the church of the Assimilated Virgin in my area.
Please find below the attached copy of my official Identification which i confirm is a true representation of me.
I confirm that during the course of my communication with all members of the Church of the Assimilated Virgin that all information i have given has been truthful and factually correct and that if any false information has been given in any form, i shall immediately lose all entitlement to donation payment due to me.
Warmest Regards
Dr.Mrs.Luisa Pimentel Estrada
Date:27th Feb,2006.
so now the chief has to answer her and be her buddy right?She also sent a copy to Tits Mcghee, but I thought it pointless to post it twice...
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