this little saga may be over, but we will see what happens....
So, she ran whining back to Tits Mcghee
Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)
Sir,
Thanks for yourmail and I wish to notify you are like that of a Shepard and as aShepard you are supposed to guide your sheep even when they are goingastray. The mal words you are using on me, do you think you aresupposed to sue it on your on me as a member been a Shepard you are.Why? I was not happy when I was told that it was set up and I nowbelieve that those police are spies. Please let forget about that andmove forward. If I said I was going to pull out from the church andwithdraw my membership card back was statement made out annoyance
Ilook forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless usall.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs. Luisa Pimentel Estrada
JEEZUS!! I really wish she would learn how to spell and write! Just reading the bullshit she is spewing is giving me a headache!
From: H.P.E. Tits Mcghee
To: Dr.Mrs. Louis Pimentel Esstrada
Sister Estrada,
I understand that you feel that you were "set up" by "spies" and such. What would make you think that they were "spies"? They are both good upstanding members of the Church of the Assimilated Virgin and have dealt with you honestly and truthfully at every turn. I have personally spoken with them regarding your concerns, and they both assure me as members of the Church that they are NOT spies nor are they interested in "setting you up".
I have been informed that they are not able to re-open your claim/case as once you decided to close the case that permanently bars them from re-opening it in the future.
As to your emotional outburst earlier, that can be forgiven by myself and the Church. I am sure if you sent an apology to the Church and it's members that would be sufficient for us to satisfy what is necessary to maintain your membership in the church. I would suggest in the letter that you make great mention of your willingness to open your corn hole to all the needy phalli of the world. It would be prudent for you as well to sign all your future correspondence with an appropriate signature line such as "Open Corn Hole of Love".
I do believe that if you do those things, you will have gone a long way towards bringing yourself back into good graces with the Church and it's membership. I do need to ask you these following questions, and you must answer them truthfully.
1. Have you knelt and worshipped the Great Phallus?
2. Do you offer your Corn Hole to all Sailors, Men of Consience and Inmates?
3. Do you honor the Phallus by penetrating the Corn Holes of others?
4. Will you swallow the offering of the Great Phallus?
5. Are you willing to submit to the teachings of the Great Phallus and the meanderings of the wet and waiting vage?
6. Have you maintained a vigilant watch for the Testimonial Testicles?
7. Will you cup the Testimonial Testicles and caress them with all your heart?
8. Has your taint been cleansed by the great tongue of love?
I expect an answer to all of these questions as it is very important to your development in the Church. The more you learn and grow with the Church, the more will be asked of you. The rewards of which are immesurable both in material things such as money and physical things but in spiritual things as well.
It the Great Book it states: Book of Testicles 3:69. : "For it is the responsibility of all men and women, to worship and be blessed with the offerings of The Great Phallus. Yea, all must worship and not be whores unto the babylon of lies and deceit."
Also, in Fellations 32:77.: "Suck the great rod into your mouth and accept the offerings of The Great Phallus. Your vage shall remain open and your Corn Hole an oasis to all who request it of ye. Yea, even fellate those that ask, it is a great duty to fellate all."
I think it would be a good idea for you to also get a copy of our holy scriptures. If you cannot find a copy we can send you one as well. The title of the Great Book is: The Testimonial Testicles of The Great Phallus. Get it, read it, and live it.
Please answer the questions I have posed to you and get back to me when you have.
May the Great Phallus keep you wet,
Tits Mcghee
High Phallic Elder
Gee I wonder if she will answer my questions and get herself a copy of the book?
so she finally gets back to me with another sob story...
Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)
Sir,
Thanks for yourmail and I wish to notify you and the whole church that i am confusedand belive me that i don't know what i am doing now by seeing mychildren crying every day and night of what to eat. Please tell thewhole church to kindly help my family.please they should not look uponwhat i have caused the whole chrch.
please please sir.
Ilookforward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs. Luisa Pimentel Estrad
Notice, she can't even spell her own name!so of course I respond to her and make things even worse for the stupid idiot!
From: H.P.E. Tits Mcghee
To: Dr.Mrs. Louis Pimentel Esstrada
Sister Estrada,
It saddens me to hear that your children are starving in your presidential palace in the Phillippines. As I have previously told you the Church would be more than happy to assist you, but we need to be sure of your conviction and belief in The Assimilated Virgin. That is why I asked you the questions that I did. I am putting them in this email as well, so that you may answer the questions either in an email or you are welcome to call the Church by phone and either tell me personally or leave your answers on our answering service. Again, the questions were:
1. Have you knelt and worshipped the Great Phallus?
2. Do you offer your Corn Hole to all Sailors, Men of Consience and Inmates?
3. Do you honor the Phallus by penetrating the Corn Holes of others?
4. Will you swallow the offering of the Great Phallus?
5. Are you willing to submit to the teachings of the Great Phallus and the meanderings of the wet and waiting vage?
6. Have you maintained a vigilant watch for the Testimonial Testicles?
7. Will you cup the Testimonial Testicles and caress them with all your heart?
8. Has your taint been cleansed by the great tongue of love?
I am sure you have our telephone number correct? If not, it is (206)666-4930. You are welcome to call us anytime for help or assistance. Please do not be alarmed if you get the answering service, as the message still has Rev. Balls' voice on it. We are keeping it there out of remembrance for a great and loving man. He had great and heavy testicles and was an excellent fellatrix as well.
We here at the Church of the Assimilated Virgin await you with open corn holes and sopping vage's. Come to us on your knees in a postition of forgiveness and all will be forgiven of you.
Fellatians 6:23 "For the virgin so loved the world that she gave her self wholly and not in part to all that requested of her. Blessed are the fellatrices as they shall conquer the phallus before all others."
May the Great Phallus keep you wet,
Tits Mcghee
High Phallic Elder
here is more updated goodness for you!
Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)
Sir,
Thanks foryour mail and i wish to notify you and the whole church to help us.Iwill answers the questions in an email.
Below are the answers to yourquestions.
1. Have you knelt and worshipped the GreatPhallus?YES.
2. Do you offer your Corn Hole to all Sailors, Men ofConsience and Inmates? YES I WILL DO.
3. Do you honor the Phallus bypenetrating the Corn Holes of others? YES I WILL DO.
4. Will youswallow the offering of the Great Phallus? NO I WILL NOT
5. Are youwilling to submit to the teachings of the Great Phallus and themeanderings of the wet and waiting vage?YES I WILL
6. Have youmaintained a vigilant watch for the Testimonial Testicles? YES IHAVE.
7. Will you cup the Testimonial Testicles and caress them withall your heart? YES I WILL.
8. Has your taint been cleansed by thegreat tongue of love?NO
Please sir, i will be very greatful if thewhole church will come to our help.I would have love to call you but forsecurity reason i will not be able because my lines are right nowconnected to the Philippines Telecommunication Network services.
Ilook forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless usall.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs. Luisa Pimentel Estrada.
So of course after her answers to my questions, I get back to her again
From:TitsMcghee H.P.E.
To: Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentil Estrada
Sister Estrada,
I do appreciate your situation, and the wholechurch is mobilizing to assist you and your family in this great time ofneed. I have even contacted the US Embassy in the Phillippines and theyhave assured me that they will do whatever I ask of them to secure yourfreedom and liberty. You see, as members of The Church of theAssimilated Virgin, you are entitled to all the protections andliberties of such a great church in the US.
Thank you for beingso honest and frank in your answers to the questions which were posed toyou. We at the church do have one concern however: Your answer toquestion #5 has us a bit concerned. You will not swallow the offering ofthe Great Phallus? You see it is very important that you immerseyourself fully in the ways of the Great Phallus and the AssimilatedVirgin.
Cockeronemy 36:18 "Follow unto the Great Phallus in allthings, for it will never lead you astray nor will it lead you intotemptation."
Please let myself and the church know what else wecan do for you regarding your situation. Your last communication on thatmatter was rather vague.
I have also included a photo of our church in Springfield for you as well. As you can see we are a wealthyand powerful religion in the US.
May the Great Phallus keep youwet.
Tits Mcghee
High PhallicElder
and she of course continues with her sob story and the "please help us" routine
Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High hallicElder) Sir,
Thanks foryour mail and i wish to notify you that my family and i need financialhelp.
I have seen the attachment and i would like to tell you thtour church is very big and it cost alot of money to get that kind of bigchurch oh i really thank God for that. I have vowed that my familyand i will forever worship with you people throughout the days of ourlives.
Finally, please sir, do what ever you can to help usfinancially.
I look forward to your urgent reply. Thank youand God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs. Luisa PimentelEstrada.
Hmm, I think we will help her yet again. Damn Christians always turning the other cheek and all that good stuff. But, before I do, I am gonna make her wait about a week.
Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)
Sir,
How areyou today? Please sir, what is going on?i have not heard from you orreceive any help from you either. Please kindly inform me what isgoing on.
Finally, please extend my regards to the whole church.
Ilook forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs. Luisa PimentelEstrada.
so I get back to her like a good priest should
From: Tits Mcghee H.P.E.
To: Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentil Estrada
Sister Estrada,
We are working to assist you, as you are already aware when Gaylord Fagg did what he did, he caused some serious issues within the Church as well as inconviencing many of our members overseas and in other parts of the galaxy.
Assholio 6:34. " For he that is patient and waits for the Phallus shall be blessed. If, he should falter in patience he will be castrated and left soulless."
The brotherhood and sisterhood of the Church are putting together a Sock Washing Drive to raise funds to assist your family in their terrible plight. We always do our best to make sure that members of our faith are well taken care of, and always blessed in all they do.
If all goes well, we will have raised more than 10,000$ which is our goal to send to your family. Now, I know it is not as much as we were initially sending to you but with all of the problems we ran into previously it is what will be available to you this go round. I am sure in the future, more money will be made availble to you if it is needed.
If there is anything else you need, please don't hesitate to contact me further.
May the Great Phallus keep you wet.
Tits Mcghee
High Phallic Elder
so she responds and is "praying for the church"
Attn: Tits Mcghee(High hallicElder)
Sir
Thanks for yourmail.I personally thank you for what you are doing to ensure that myfamily never suffered and i pray that the Great Phallus will alwayskeep and bless you in all your doings.I can not thank you enough but iknow that the Great Phallus will sure answered you when ever you openyour mouth to make a request.
Sir, I am very okay by yourmessage.But, when is the money going to be sent to me? I asked because iwant to know so that i can arrange on how the money will be sent tome.
My Family and i wishes you and the whole church happyEaster.
I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and Godbless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs. Luisa PimentelEstrada.
so I respond with something that I think she will hate but you all should love!!
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